Always Watching

up.”
    “That’s why I have to do this. There’s a woman, her name’s Mary. She was from the commune, and she still lives out by the river. Did you know that?”
    He looked wary again. “No, but Mom used to go see some woman.”
    My turn to be shocked. Mary hadn’t mentioned anything about spending time with my mother after they’d left the commune.
    Robbie was studying my car again. “Where did the mud come from?”
    “I met with a retired police officer out at the commune. Steve Phillips…”
    Robbie turned back to the saw and began to sharpen, the tool making a rasping sound in a steady rhythm. “Yeah, I remember Steve.”
    “He remembers you too.” I paused, waiting for him to inquire further, or give me some acknowledgment, but the rasping continued.
    I added, “He said he busted up a fight you were in years ago.”
    Now Robbie turned around, his face angry. “I told you not to talk about me to cops. Why the hell would he tell you that?”
    “He’s retired, and I didn’t ask. He brought it up. He has a friend who has a cadaver dog. We searched the commune site, and—”
    Before I could get the words out Robbie said, “You searched the site? What for?” His face was shocked.
    “For Willow.” Then I told him about Mary’s finger.
    Robbie shook his head. “I don’t know anything about that, but Willow, she got the hell out of there. Last time I saw her, she was hitchhiking on the logging road back to town—the morning she split from the commune.”
    I was confused. “How did you see her? Weren’t you sleeping?”
    “I’d gotten up early to go fishing at the big pool down by the bridge. I was just coming back when she was leaving.”
    I paused, thinking it through. “But you still don’t know if she made it out. If she couldn’t get a ride, she might have returned and—”
    “No, I saw one of the logging trucks stop for her—a red one.”
    His last statement connected with a thud. I thought of Larry, of his big red truck and his leering at pretty seventeen-year-old girls. Was it possible he picked her up? Heat infused my face. All the time we’d been out there searching, and Willow was probably living somewhere with three grandkids by now.
    I waited to see if Robbie would add anything, but he was quiet. I was ashamed to realize that I wanted to be right about this, wanted to believe that I hadn’t just been chasing ghosts. Now I feared I’d been wasting everyone’s time. I still had a few questions.
    “Why didn’t you tell me you were friends with Willow?”
    He gave me a what-are-you-talking-about look. “I was friends with everyone in the commune.”
    “You were more than friends.” I didn’t really know if it was true, but something made me say it.
    His face flushed, and his mouth tightened. “I was more than friends with lots of the girls. What’s your point?”
    What was my point? Was I actually accusing my brother of lying to me?
    “I just wondered if you knew anything else that might help me find her.”
    “What’s going on with you? I didn’t know anything else about her, okay. She was just some chick at the commune. I hear from you once a year, and now you’re on me every day about this shit. Why do you care so much about her?”
    I hadn’t seen Robbie this angry in years. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I’ve been pressuring you.”
    Robbie’s shoulders relaxed slightly, but he still looked upset. I watched Brew, who was watching Robbie, his eyes anxious, a low whine starting from his throat. He came over and sat near Robbie’s feet, bumping against him. I wondered myself why I was so obsessed with finding Willow. Then it came to me.
    “I guess because I wasn’t able to help my patient, I’ve fixated on Willow.”
    He nodded. “Are we done with this? I’ll hose your car off.” I knew it was a peace offering, but I still felt frustrated. My brother was shutting me out, again.
    “Thanks. That would be great.”
    As he rinsed off my car, I remembered that I’d also wanted to ask him about Levi. He’d reacted badly to my previous questions, but he’d been friends with Levi, so I didn’t think it should be a problem. I said, “Steve also told me that Levi moved back here, and he runs the ski school. Did you know that?”
    He kept spraying the car in swoops. “Yeah, I knew he was here.”
    “I might go talk to him.”
    “What do you want with Levi?”
    “I told you. I’m trying to find witnesses. Why did you tell me that no one from the