Apocalypsis 03 - Exodus

dizzy.
    Neither of us said anything for a few moments. His hand left my chin and went to my hair. He pulled a hunk of it out gently to the side and looked at it. “So pretty,” he said in a soft voice. His eyes came back to mine. “You’re beautiful, you know that? I love to watch you do your thing.”
    My breath was caught in my throat. He sounded like Bodo and then again he didn’t. He was calmer, but more intense, less playful.
    I watched as if in a dream, as his face got closer to me and his eyes closed. My lashes fluttered down of their own accord, and a second later I felt his warm breath on my mouth and then his lips touching mine.
    His kiss was tentative at first, testing me to feel for my reaction. The fact that he hadn’t really forced himself on me and was still giving me an out made me lose my focus. To be given this gift, an amazing guy who could have had any girl in the world, wanting to be with me and telling me how pretty I was … it was a heady drug in this world of sometimes very intense loneliness. His tongue came out to touch the spot where our mouths met and I couldn’t help but use my tongue to greet him there.
    His free hand came up behind me and pulled me against him. The only thing keeping us from falling fifteen feet down to the ground below was the branch above our heads that we both gripped onto with our other hands. It was awkward and dangerous and stupid and wrong and right, all at the same time.
    The kiss became as passionate as it could have with us like that, standing on a web of roots and holding on for dear life one-handed. Paci’s hand moved down to squeeze my butt, and without thinking too hard about it, I pulled his waist closer to me. Something inside of me wanted to feel our bodies pressed together. He was big and solid, warm and musky-smelling, making me feel safe and desired.
    But it’s when I felt how aroused he was that the shock of it woke me out of the haze of passion. I moved my hand that had drifted to his butt, over to his waist and pushed him away, pulling my head back at the same time. He was left hanging above me, his lips apart and his glistening tongue poised at his bottom lip.
    “What? Why’d you stop?” he asked breathlessly, pulling my head back towards him and resting his forehead on mine.
    My brain and body were warring. My hands and hips and breasts wanted to pull him close again. But my brain knew it was wrong. I loved Bodo, and until I knew he was gone from this earth, I had to stay true to that. If he were out there somewhere waiting for me, then I knew he was being true to me.
    “I can’t, Paci. I want to, in a way, but I can’t. It’s …”
    “Bodo. I know. You don’t have to say it.” Paci stood up straight, licking his lips and running his hand over his braided hair. “Come on. I’ll stop torturing us both.” He turned around quickly, moving along the branch like he did it every day, practically running down the natural steps that led to the swamp floor.
    I took my time getting down, not trusting myself to be as sure-footed as I normally was. I was trembling from the pent-up passion and conflicting feelings of guilt. Paci held his hand out to help me down the last few steps and I took it, releasing it as soon as my foot touched the ground.
    “I’m sorry I did that,” he said quietly, breaking the silence that made me want to run away from him as fast as I could. “I just needed you to know how I felt before you left … to see if maybe there was a chance you’d stay.”
    “I can’t stay. I was hoping you’d understand that.” I forgot my plan to avoid the crunchy leaves and stepped wherever I needed to in order to get back as quickly as I could without running like a scared little girl.
    “No. I do. I completely do. I don’t know why I’m staying, to be honest.”
    “Because it’s your home, that’s why.”
    “I’m wondering why that matters so much, though, when it’s run by people who’d send kids like you and those other guys out into a world full of cannibals.”
    “They’re doing what they think is right. I happen to think they’re wrong, but I’m not in charge.”
    Paci held his hand out, stopping my eager pace. “What would you do if you were?” he asked.
    My feet slowed and I came to a halt, looking at his face. He seemed dead serious, even though it was a wasted question. “Why does it matter?”
    “I’m just curious.”
    I hadn’t thought of it before, even though Fohi’d said that stupid