As she rides by

copies of their records, too, or their sheets,’ as you insiders would put it, which were roughly as clean as the bed linen in a Piraeus boarding house. Low-level frighteners, my friend called them. No firearm convictions, no record of ever having mucked about with explosives, I am only too delighted to report. And that’s quaint,” he said, pointing to a needlepoint hanging I had next to the Dufy,’ which did not say something vulgar about bowel movements but depicted, in a deliberately childlike fashion, an airport at night.
    “Umm,” I said. “The chap who gave it to me lives in a mobile home park in Sacramento .”
    “Even quainter,” he said, glancing at the elegant timepiece on his tanned wrist. “So how about it, Mr. Daniel? Care to stick closer to me than a second skin until twelve Wednesday, or does the idea of spending so much time with a screaming queen upset you?”
    “Scream all you like,” I said. “It doesn’t upset me at all. Wait till you hear my daily rate, that might upset you.” It failed to do so in the slightest. “Who put you on to me, by the way?”
    “You’re the detective,” he said. “Detect, maestro.”
    “Well,” I said, “unless you saw my cunning little ad in the last month’s Gay News, I detect you have been drinking recently.”
    “Correct.”
    “I detect you have been drinking recently in a bar called the Green Flamingo, which is on the corner of Santa Monica and South Tangerine, not ten minutes from your place.”
    “A hit, sir,” he said. “A veritable hit.”
    “Where you undoubtedly talked to the manager, Richard, aka Miss Peggy, when he’s working, who’s an old friend of mine. Did he tell you he saved my ass once, and maybe my life as well?”
    “No, not a word did he utter,” Phineas said.
    “Well, he did,” I uttered. “In his full getup including blond beehive and stilettos, too. Anyway. You, sir, have just hired yourself a bodyguard starting now, or you will have as soon as you fork over half my fee in advance. My fee will also include a dozen Angel Faces for the little woman. If you are missing a kneecap or two by noon Wednesday, I will waive the other half of my fee.”
    “That’s considerate,” he said. He extracted a check from his wallet, borrowed one of my pens—the one that had “Welcome to Parrot World” written on it—scribbled away, then tossed the check in my general direction.
    “Who do I make the receipt out to?” I said, donning my spectacles. “Phineas will do,” he said. Then I scribbled away.
    “Naturally, King’s services are included as well,” I said. “He is a highly trained watchdog—he watches every bite I eat.”
    When I handed Phineas the receipt, I said, “As for me, Victor will do.” We shook hands on it, and both stood up. “One thing. Please do me a favor, Phineas. Don’t put me through it unnecessarily. No gay steam baths, if there are any left. No transvestite balls or gay liberation parades, I get too many mixed signals, which confuse me, then make me nervous.’
    He looked at me, then nodded. “Deal,” he said.
    “Let me make a call or two first,” I said. “Try not to listen to the juicy bits.”
    “I’ll be in the car,” he said.
    “No you won’t,” I said. “You’ll be right here where King and I can keep an eye on you.”
    So I made my calls, one to Evonne saying I couldn’t see her that night or Tuesday night, and expressing my deep desolation at the idea. I did not tell her I was instead going to be sharing candlelit suppers, to say nothing of his spare room, with Flora by Phineas. Then I left a message for Tom ‘n’ Jerry at their hotel saying everything looked kosher so far. Then I left a message on the telephone answering machine of one of my regular security clients saying I’d be a day or two late dropping around for their monthly inspection. Then I put a .32 cal. Police Positive in its lightweight holster, strapped it to my right shoulder, as I was (and still am) a lefty, then cleared my desk of everything of value including phone, Apple 2, floppy disks, and matrix printer, locking everything up in the big safe that took up most of the small bathroom out back, told King, “Walkies,” snagged his bowl, and off we went to arrange Bewitched, Tropicana, and Angel Face. I couldn’t wait.

Chapter Five

    But I don’t need no crazy dream, I know what I’m waitin’ for,
    And that’s a $200 check from my old pal Samuel D.

    A s it turned out, I didn’t do a