Baby Be Mine

with Christian – after I’d finally built up the courage to ask – that his family haven’t forgiven me for deceiving them about Barney. They can, however, understand Christian’s desire to have a relationship with him. It hurts a great deal, but I hope that time will heal their wounds and that one day they’ll want to spend time with Barney themselves, if not with me.
    Barney starts to whinge, so we both turn around. He’s trying to take one of his toys from Johnny, a pull-along caterpillar that breaks into three pieces.
    ‘I’m fixing it for you, buddy,’ Johnny murmurs. Barney just whinges more.
    ‘He likes it like that,’ Christian chips in, a frown on his face.
    ‘Excuse me?’ Johnny asks, challengingly.
    ‘He prefers to bang the bits together. He doesn’t like pulling it along.’
    ‘Don’t try to tell me what’s good for my son,’ he warns.
    ‘You’re a piece of work,’ Christian says darkly. ‘I swear to God, if Barney weren’t here . . .’
    ‘Enough!’ I hiss. ‘I’m not having this anymore! We’ve all been through enough over the last year. It’s time to move on. Time for us all to move on. Barney wants both of you in his life, so you’re going to have to deal with each other whether you like it or not. You both claim to want the best for him – well, this is it! So get on with it.’
    Johnny, Christian and Barney all freeze and stare at me. I get to my feet and go over to Barney.
    ‘I’m going to make him his dinner. You two: talk. Sort it out. Don’t break things, for God’s sake, but when I come back with Barney in half an hour I want you to at least know how to be civil to each other.
    ‘No, I . . . I should get off.’ Christian starts to get up.
    ‘Sit. Down,’ I command. ‘Do this for me. No, not for me. Do it for Barney.’
    With that I walk out of the room.
    I return to the kitchen and secure Barney in his highchair before getting on with his dinner. I can’t hear anything for a while, but then come the raised voices. It gets very heated at one point and I have to resist going back through to mediate, but I know this is necessary. Finally I can’t hear anything and that almost makes me more nervous. Dinner over, I clean up Barney and tentatively walk back through to the living room.
    ‘Is it safe to come in?’ I ask from the doorway.
    They’re both sitting on the sofas, facing each other. Christian gets to his feet. ‘I should be going.’
    ‘Don’t you want to stay for dinner?’ I ask him, disappointed.
    ‘Not if you’re cooking.’
    I cast my eyes heavenwards at this much-abused joke. Barney leans out of my arms to go to Christian. I sense Johnny watching as Christian hugs him goodbye. ‘See you soon,’ he says, kissing him on his nose. Then he hands him down to Johnny on the sofa. ‘Go to Daddy,’ he says.
    Startled, Johnny glances up at him. I’m also in shock.
    ‘Walk me out,’ Christian says to me, touching my arm.
    I follow him in a daze.
    ‘See you soon,’ Johnny calls after us. We turn around. ‘Seriously,’ he says. ‘We should catch up again.’
    Christian pauses and then nods.
    ‘I’ll be in touch,’ Johnny says.
    ‘Was that okay?’ I ask Christian when we reach the hallway.
    ‘Not as bad as it could have been,’ he replies, before qualifying it. ‘No, it was alright.’
    ‘Did he say sorry?’
    He laughs. ‘What do you think?’
    I shake my head.
    ‘Thanks for having me,’ he says.
    ‘You’re always welcome. Very welcome. When will you next come?’
    ‘Sara and I are going to a wedding next weekend.’ It’s not often he speaks about his girlfriend and it still makes me start to hear him say her name. ‘But the weekend after? Maybe go for a picnic in Hurley, if the weather’s nice?’
    ‘That’d be great. You know, you could always bring Sara along,’ I say, wanting to make amends in any way possible.
    ‘Maybe sometime.’
    I wait until he’s in his car and has driven out of the gates before I return to the living room. Johnny is tickling a giggling Barney on the sofa. I stand at the doorway watching them for a moment, remembering a time last year when I saw Christian doing a similar thing. I recall how sick I felt, seeing the dissimilarities between them – Christian with his dark hair and dark eyes, and Barney the polar opposite. Now, witnessing Johnny and Barney face to face like this as they laugh at each other, I know this is the way it’s meant to be.
    Johnny senses my presence and looks