Baby Be Mine

back on the sofa, the desolation returning. ‘He’s never going to forgive me for this.’
    ‘No. I don’t imagine he will,’ I say.
    Johnny looks up. ‘Well, he’s sure as hell not going to forgive you!’
    ‘Are you kidding me? Do you think I don’t know that? Barney is going to lose his father over this! Christian is going to lose the son he thinks is his! I may as well cut him open, tear out his heart and rip it into shreds!’
    I snatch at the Kleenex box and empty it of its last three tissues. Johnny lets me cry. When I calm down he’s looking at me gravely.
    ‘I want to see him, Meg.’
    I nod, my resolve gone. ‘But you can’t wake him up.’
    ‘I won’t.’
    I lead him down the corridor to Barney’s bedroom and push open the door. Johnny is so close I can feel his body heat. Barney is fast asleep in his cot, his face lit by the glow of his night light.
    I step back while Johnny tentatively approaches. Tears trek down my cheeks and I brush them away as he stares at my son. He reaches down and strokes my boy’s face.
    ‘Okay,’ I say quietly. ‘That’s enough.’
    I lead the way out and start to walk back down the corridor, but I realise there are no footsteps behind me. I turn around to see Johnny standing outside Barney’s room, his green eyes glistening.
    ‘What’s he like?’ His voice sounds croaky.
    I smile sadly. ‘He’s the best. He’s very funny, very sweet, a real little character. Come away from his room,’ I urge.
    ‘I want to meet him properly,’ he warns when we reach the hallway. His face is deadly serious.
    I nod. ‘But I have to speak to Christian first. Please,’ I implore. ‘Please give us some time.’
    He takes a deep breath and exhales loudly. ‘I’ll wait for you to call me,’ he says firmly. ‘But make it sooner rather than later.’
    That doesn’t feel like a promise; it feels like a threat.

 
  Chapter 12  
    Today. Today is the day. I’ve hardly slept a wink, and the little sleep I did get was plagued by horrible nightmares. There are dark circles under my eyes, and I look so pale I might as well have been living in the Antarctic, not the south of France. Christian will probably joke that I’ve partied too hard in Barcelona. If only he knew.
    I don’t know what time he’s returning. I haven’t had a chance to pack up all of our things, but I have started to put aside some essentials to get us through the next few days. I don’t want a suitcase to greet Christian when he arrives – that would make it impossible to hold off explaining until Barney is in bed. I was hoping I’d have time to tell my parents, to ask them to look after my son while I talk to Christian, but it’s all going so fast. I can’t believe this is happening.
    Christian calls me on my mobile at two o’clock in the afternoon.
    ‘Hello?’ I answer the phone, too surprised to sound shaken. Isn’t he coming home today, after all?
    ‘Hey!’ he says. ‘Where are you?’
    ‘At home,’ I reply. ‘Where are you?’ There’s a jaunty knock at the door. ‘Hang on,’ I say. ‘Someone’s here.’ It occurs to me that it might be Johnny returning. Terrified at that thought, I open the door to see a beaming Christian standing on the terrace, his phone at his ear.
    ‘Boo!’ he shouts, grabbing me around my waist and swinging me full circle, his phone pressing into my skin through my flimsy dress. He kisses me squarely on the lips and puts me down on the baking-hot terrace. I’m too taken aback to say or do anything other than hop, barefooted, back inside to the cool stone floor.
    He laughs. ‘Sorry.’
    ‘I didn’t think you were coming home until next week!’ I exclaim.
    ‘I’m back for only two days,’ he cautions. ‘Then I have to go away again, but the band is taking a break and, after everything that’s happened recently, I needed to come home and chill out for a bit and see my little family.’ He seems so happy, like the weight from his mother’s death has momentarily lifted off his shoulders. ‘Where’s Barney?’ he asks.
    ‘Still asleep. He’ll wake up soon.’
    ‘I’m bloody boiling!’ he says. ‘Let’s grab our swimmers and go to the lake.’
    I stare at his excited face and despise myself for having to put on a pretence for the rest of the day. Then again, what’s one more lie?
    ‘Okay,’ I say.
    There’s a lake not far from here, down a beaten track off one of the mountain roads. Only the locals know about it, but