Baltimore 03 - Did You Miss Me?

Joseph held me. Those moments  . . .  they got me through .
    ‘Did you sleep at all, Daphne?’ Maggie asked quietly.
    ‘About an hour.’ She patted the sofa. ‘Come and sit. You were up a good part of the night, too.’
    ‘Off and on. Your mother had nightmares last night.’
    ‘I know. I went in a few times to calm her down.’
    ‘Who’s gonna calm you down, Daphne?’
    ‘Joseph does a pretty good job of it.’
    Maggie’s brows went up. ‘So he was “calming” you in the solarium?’
    Daphne’s cheeks heated. ‘Maggie! Were you peeping?’
    ‘No. But you don’t need to be a detective with a fancy badge to know that pink cheeks and heaving bosoms and swollen lips mean . . . well, not calming.’
    ‘My bosoms were not heaving. Much. Fine. They were heaving. I know this isn’t the time for such . . . interludes.’ She sighed. ‘But for a minute there, I didn’t think about being scared.’ She just hadn’t thought. Period.
    Maggie put her arm around Daphne’s shoulders. ‘Then it was the best time for such an interlude. You should have more interludes. You’ve been interlude-free for too long.’
    ‘I’ve been interlude-free forever,’ she said glumly.
    ‘Then you have a lot of catching up to do. As specimens go, he’s a damn fine one to catch up with. He’d make my bosoms heave except for that whole gravity thing.’
    Daphne smiled. ‘You’re bad, Maggie.’
    ‘And you need to give yourself permission to be. Every now and again.’
    Daphne rested her head on Maggie’s shoulder. ‘I don’t remember how.’
    ‘I imagine Joseph can jog your memory.’
    Daphne chest felt suddenly tight. ‘I imagine he could.’
    ‘That’s supposed to be a good thing, child.’
    ‘I know. And it is.’
    ‘Except?’ She reached back to give a tiny tug on Daphne’s wig.
    ‘That. And the heaving bosoms that are gravity-proof.’
    ‘Does he know?’
    ‘Bits and pieces. Maggie, I’m scared.’ The admission opened the door for all her fears, a wave that came crashing down. ‘I thought I knew fear. Being taken, knowing Kelly was being hurt like she was, terrified he’d come for me next. That was . . . indescribable. I thought the moment the doctor said “cancer” was the worst moment I’d ever face. But this . . . is worse. Every minute it’s worse. I think I’d go back to the day I was diagnosed if it meant Ford would never be taken. Right now I’m scared to breathe.’
    ‘I know. And I won’t insult you by telling you not to be afraid for your child. We all are. But breathing is important. We had this conversation eight years ago when you were too scared to breathe. We had this conversation every time you had a nightmare when you were small. So, keeping this conversation specific to the topic of Joseph and interludes, what would make you not be scared?’
    Wise , Daphne thought. But Maggie always had been. ‘To have it over with. Part of me wants to yank off the wig and strut stark nekkid in front of him. Just to have it done. He can leave and I can get back to my life in the real world.’
    ‘You think he won’t like what he sees?’
    ‘I think he’ll want to. And I think he’ll be kind.’
    ‘Which means you won’t know if he means it when he says he wants you.’
    ‘Or if someone will come along that he’ll want more.’
    ‘Travis was an asshole, Daphne.’
    ‘I know that. And I never loved Travis anyway. But Joseph isn’t an asshole. I think if he made a commitment to me, he’d feel obligated to stay. Then he’d hate me.’
    ‘You’ve played this whole hand out in your head, haven’t you?’
    ‘Yes. Because he makes me wish for things I might never have.’
    ‘Horsehockey,’ Maggie declared. Standing up, she held out her hand for Daphne. ‘You got too much time to think, child. Idle hands and all that.’ When Daphne didn’t move, Maggie yanked her to her feet. ‘Go change into barn clothes. We’re going to do morning feedings.’ She whistled. ‘Tasha!’
    The dog bounded around a corner, sliding to sit in front of Maggie, who gave Daphne an impatient look. ‘Get goin’!’
    ‘I can’t go to the barn,’ Daphne said. ‘I’ve got bodyguards. And work.’ Loud clomping on the stairs had them both turning to look. Daphne blinked. ‘Kate?’
    Coppola hopped down the last two steps, doing a spin and flourish. ‘Do I look equestrian or what?’
    ‘You do actually.’ And it chafed a little. She looks better in my clothes than I do