Baltimore 03 - Did You Miss Me?

dangerous than mine.’
    ‘That’s fair.’
    ‘My dangerous job could end me with less warning than cancer would end you.’
    ‘That’s true. But while it’s the end that scares people, it’s the getting there that puts the strain on a relationship.’
    He reached across the console and tugged her left hand free of the choke hold the right had it in. He threaded their fingers together and kissed her hand as he had the day before. ‘I’m thirty-seven years old and not getting any younger, so I’m going to be blunt, okay?’
    She sifted in her seat so that she could look at him. ‘Okay.’
    ‘I like you. I think you’re beautiful and smart and . . . colorful.’
    She’d looked happy until the last word. ‘Colorful?’
    ‘Yeah. Full of color and . . . life. And that’s a good thing for me.’
    ‘Okay,’ she said warily. ‘I’ll let you have that one.’
    ‘No, I want you to understand. For a long time I’ve felt like my life is Dorothy in Kansas. All gray. You are . . . color.’
    Her smile had bloomed. ‘Thank you, Joseph.’
    ‘You’re welcome. I’m still in blunt mode, okay?’
    ‘I’ll try to keep up,’ she said dryly.
    He smiled. ‘There are things I want and there are things I need. I want a challenging job, but I need someone to come home to when I’m done with that job. I need that somebody to need the same thing. That might be you. It might not. But I’m tired of wasting time and I get the impression you are, too.’
    She nodded, her eyes wide.
    ‘So,’ he continued, ‘if it does turn out to be you and you come with baggage, it becomes my baggage too. Same goes the opposite way, but we’re talking about your baggage now. If you got sick again, I wouldn’t run away. I’m not made that way.’
    ‘I know you’re not,’ she said softly.
    ‘I’m about to get blunter,’ he warned. ‘I want you. Any which way I can have you. And some ways I haven’t even thought of yet. I’ve wanted you for nine months and I’ve . . . thought about how it would be between us. Often.’ He glanced over, saw her cheeks had pinked. ‘And since I’m not getting any younger, I’d really like to find out sooner versus later. Much sooner.’
    ‘In the spirit of bluntness, that scares me more than anything else. I’m . . . different now. Almost certainly different from any other woman you’ve been with. You can say that it doesn’t matter, but if it does when the time comes . . . that will be hard.’
    ‘But in the grand scheme, if none of the baggage existed . . .’
    She drew a deep breath. ‘Sugar, I’d be on you like white on rice,’ she drawled.
    He laughed. ‘That’s something at least. Not sure I’ll ever look at rice the same way again.’ He sobered. ‘Daphne, nothing I can say now will alleviate your concern. That’s kind of an in-the-moment thing. I’ll probably be more nervous than you.’
    ‘I know.’ She looked down. ‘And I’d do nearly anything to spare you that.’
    ‘It’s not your job to spare me.’ He said the words more curtly than he’d intended.
    She looked up, surprised. ‘Excuse me?’
    ‘I’m not your mother or your nanny who you buy houses for and take care of. I’m not a rescue animal that you take in. You take care of people and that’s what’s wonderful about you. But that’s not what I want from you.’
    ‘Then what do you want from me?’ she asked quietly, ‘Besides sex.’
    ‘Sex is a damn good start. Don’t dismiss the multi-layered benefits of sex,’ he said lightly and saw her smile. ‘Daphne, I don’t want a mother. I have a mother and she’s pretty wonderful.’
    ‘You want a mate.’ She went back to looking out the window. ‘So do I.’
    ‘Then I’d say we’re off to a good start.’
    Her lips twitched. She didn’t agree, but she didn’t disagree either.
    ‘I’ll be less nervous if I’m prepared,’ he said seriously. ‘Mastectomy?’
    She stiffened at the question, but answered nevertheless. ‘Bi-lateral, radical.’
    ‘Reconstruction?’
    ‘Yes. So at least when I’m eighty, the girls’ll still be perky.’
    ‘Sugar, ain’t nothin’ wrong with perky,’ he said, mimicking her accent.
    She turned to smile at him. ‘I never expected you to be charming. There’s always this intensity that swirls around you, but it’s tempered by charm. I like that.’
    ‘Don’t disclose my secret weapon,’ he teased. ‘You know what I first noticed about you? Your legs. I said,