Bastion

drove her away from me, you know,” he said quietly, as if he and Mags were resuming some conversation that Mags had somehow forgotten. “This was why I decided that I didn’t have the right to have any close ties with anyone.”
    “What was?” Mags asked, sitting heavily on the rock lip of the bedding area.
    “There was an ambush,” Jakyr said, still staring at the ceiling. “Karsites, of course, it always seems to be Karsites and those damned demons of theirs. A nighttime ambush, and I was the only one to get out. Some people in the Guard we both knew, another Herald, my former mentor, and his new Trainee—all dead, and me mauled and left for dead. That was when I knew. Lita and I were—well, everyone thought it was going to happen, we were going to settle down together. But I knew then, a Herald’s life isn’t his own. That I was going to end up the same as my mentor one day. And meanwhile, everyone knew that Lita was going to be a great Bard, an important Bard, that if she stayed at Haven for just a little while longer, she’d be made an instructor and resident performer at the Palace. Except she wouldn’t do that if she spent all her time worrying whether I was going to be the cause for the Death Bell every time I went out. So she’d try to follow me, and that might get her killed, and it certainly would cost her the chance at greatness. I couldn’t do that to Lita. I couldn’t let her waste her life, and all that talent.”
    He sighed heavily. And Mags thought of Amily. What would she do if he gave himself up? Cry for a long while, surely—but eventually she would get over him, she’d find something wonderful to do with her life, or someone else, or both. She was a Herald’s daughter, and if anyone knew the risks, she did. She’d know better than anyone not to look back, but forward.
    “So?” Mags asked.
    “So she wouldn’t listen. Kept trying to tell me ways we could make it all work. That’s when I fought with her. Said unforgivable things. Deliberately set out to make her hate me.” He closed his eyes. “I guess it didn’t work as well as I thought.”
    Mags thought that Jakyr was asleep, but a few moments later the Herald sighed. “Don’t fight with Amily; obviously I proved that doesn’t work. She’s her father’s daughter. She knows what you have to do as well as you do, and she’s probably laying it all out in her own head right this minute. She might want to be alone to cry about it; leave her alone. The sooner you can make a clean break with her, the better. Go in the morning before she wakes up. Goodbyes won’t do anything but make both of you sick and sorry.”
    That seemed to take all of the little energy that the Herald had. Jakyr closed his eyes, looking utterly spent. A moment later, and Jakyr was asleep. Mags shuffled back out to the firepit, but Amily was already gone.
    So were Lita, Lena, and Bear.
    He felt too heavy with sorrow to sleep—and Jakyr was right; if he went to Amily now, they’d both cry, and try to make love, and it would ruin all the good times they’d had together; and in the end, nothing would be accomplished except to make more misery. He resolved to stay out by the firepit, wait out this last night alone, and go out in the dawn and give himself up. At least this time he knew he wouldn’t have his self crushed and swallowed up, or distorted beyond recognition, by the evil spirits in those talismans. Bey could protect him from that much.
    And Dallen would follow him; he wouldn’t be all alone in a strange land. When Bey tried to get him to do things, Dallen would help him find ways to give Bey what he wanted without compromising himself too much. Dallen was right, no matter where he was, he would still be a Herald of Valdemar. Nothing that the Sleepgivers could do would take that away from him. Bey wouldn’t force him to do anything he really didn’t want to do; Bey needed his Gift too much, and he probably knew enough about Mind-magic to know that if you forced someone to do things against their will too often, the Gift often died within them.
    If only it all didn’t hurt so much . . .
    He curled up around the aching in his heart and the opening wound in his soul and wept silently until he ran out of tears.
    •   •   •
    “Wake up, cousin. That looks like a painful way to sleep.” The soft voice jolted through his dreams.
    Mags came awake all at once, thinking that the voice he had just heard was surely part of the