Bloody River Blues

that. I hate it.”
    “What?”
    “Making it sound like everything’s gonna be fine. Everything’s going to be hunky-dory. That’s what my mother used to say. Hunky-dory. And peachy.”
    Pellam shrugged. “You’re the one bitching and moaning about your capacity to chug. I’m just telling you it’s—”
    “Well, don’t tell me, okay?”
    “Sure, you want.”
    “Yeah, I want.”
    There was a long moment of silence. Buffett said finally, “Look, Pellam, I’m sorry. You’re too easygoing. You ought to tell me to fuck off. You ought to slug me.”
    “I never hit a man with a gun.”
    “I’m tired. I think I need some sleep. I’ll make some calls like I said. Tell the guys to lay off you.”
    “Thanks. I gotta go anyway. I got a date.”
    “Date?”
    “That local girl you met. The blonde.”
    “Pretty damn clever, Pellam. You promise ’em parts in the film and then, wham bang, they get a part they weren’t expecting. You Hollywood guys.”
    “Not quite. This one hates movies.”
    “Hates movies? What’s her name again? Nancy?”
    “Nina.”
    “One good-looking woman.”
    “She’s here,” Pellam said, nodding toward the corridor. “Her mother had an operation or something.” He looked at the Smith & Wesson. “I’ve got a Smittie at home. I do some shooting sometimes.”
    Buffett nodded but he was distracted. He kept looking at the gun, imagining what it would feel like when the bullet entered his brain. How long would he continue to think? What would he see?
    He thought: Fuck you, Terror.
    Buffett looked up. “Sorry?”
    Pellam had been talking about his famous ancestor and he now repeated the story.
    Buffett’s eyes showed momentary amusement. “Wild Bill Hickok? Bullshit.”
    “Well, that’s the story. Even if it’s not true, it got me interested in American history. And started me collecting old guns.”
    “What’d he shoot, a .45?”
    “Wild Bill? Nope. Gun of choice was an 1851 Navy Colt. Thirty-six caliber. What’s that? Three fifty-seven?” Pellam nodded toward the Smith & Wesson in Buffett’s hand.
    “This? No. Standard thirty-eight special.”
    “Could I heft it for a minute?”
    Buffett handed it to him butt first and as Pellam studied it the cop said, “Pellam, one thing. When you saw my wife did you tell her anything about me?”
    “I don’t remember. I guess I told her you seemed to be doing okay.”
    “Did you? Thanks.”
    Pellam put the gun in his pocket.
    Buffett looked at the outline of the pistol. “What are you doing?”
    Pellam said, “I think I’ll hold on to it for a while.”
    “Naw, naw, give it here.” Buffett thought Pellam was joking.
    “I don’t think so.”
    “What’re you, nuts? Give it here!”
    Pellam said, “I was thinking about it, you know, and it just doesn’t make a lot of sense. There’s a twenty-four-hour cop up the hall, hospital security guards at the front door. I don’t think the killer’d be stupid enough to try to come back—”
    “Well, who the hell are you to risk my life?”
    “I think I’m saving your life, Donnie.”
    Another blink.
    Pellam said, “What were you really going to do with the gun?”
    “Give it here!”
    “What were you going to do with it?”
    “Give me my fucking gun!” Buffett shouted. Then he spat out viciously, “I could slash my wrists. I could take an overdose.”
    “Well, do it. I’m just not going to help you.”
    “It’s my gun!” Buffett cried. “Please.” Tears began. He wiped them away angrily. His arms slumped and his hands fell to his lap.
    “It’s gotta be tough,” Pellam said. “But you don’t want to do that.” He touched his pocket.
    “You don’t understand,” Buffett whispered. “I’m never going to walk! I’m never going to fuck a womanagain in my life. Never. I’ll never have any kids. You don’t understand!”
    “The way you feel now isn’t—”
    “The way I feel? ” Buffett shouted. “How do you know what I feel? How could you possibly know?”
    Pellam exhaled slowly. After a moment of enduring the hopelessness in the cop’s face, he said, “I’ll be in town for another week. You still want the gun when I leave, I’ll give it to you then.”
    “Yeah, what’s going to be different in a week?” Buffett snarled. “I’ll still be lying on my ass with bedsores, I’ll still be pissing into a rubber, I’ll have a wife talking to the stars and friends who’re embarrassed to come see me.”
    “One week.”
    “Give it to