Body Surfing

polluting her brain. He only hoped he’d be able to fix that.
    Now he became aware of his surroundings. He didn’t recognize them at first, had to turn to Michaela for the answer. He was in the attic. Michaela’s memories since Leo had left her were especially chaotic, but he was finally able to see that her mother had brought her up here when she’d taken Eric to the hospital. Madelaine Szarko, who’d been known to have a conniption fit when deer ate the budsoff her peonies, had taken Michaela by the arm and half carried, half dragged her naked daughter up the narrow attic steps and locked her in, then followed the ambulance with Eric in it to the hospital. Jasper had to admit he was impressed.
    It’s not that weird. My mother’s not completely helpless you know .
    Jasper started. He’d forgotten where he was.
    “Michaela?”
    He could feel her hesitation—her fear that she’d completely lost her marbles, coupled with her hope that it really was Jasper.
    Is it—is it really you?
    “It is me, Michaela. I’m here. I’m with you.”
    You’re kind of in me, actually .
    Jasper laughed—and was surprised when the sound came to his ears. It was hard to remember that he was the one manipulating Michaela’s body. That she was the voice in his head.
    Tell me I’m not crazy , she said now.
    “You’re not crazy,” Jasper said, standing up. The attic was huge, a single room spanning the full length of the Szarkos’ classic five-bay colonial. Boxes and old furniture and the refuse of a pair of childhoods lined both sides of the room—hobby horses and dolls and action figures, Radio and Flexible Flyers, outgrown training wheels, abandoned bicycles—with a wide path running between. At the far end of the path a mirror stood, and in its heavily dusted glass Jasper could just make out Michaela’s silhouette, naked, pale, ghostly. He began walking toward it. He could feel Michaela see it too. Could feel her seeing the word. Ghostly .
    Are you—are you like the other one? The one who was here before?
    Jasper continued walking toward the mirror.
    “I’m not like him, Michaela. I would never hurt you.”
    He stood before the mirror now. He looked at Michaela’s body. He had never seen her naked before. He felt her blush inside him. Then:
    So you really are dead?
    He pulled the sheet from an old couch, used it to wipe the dustfrom the mirror. Just enough to see Michaela’s face. He nodded her head, watched it nod in the mirror.
    “I’m dead.”
    He felt Michaela looking at herself though his eyes. Felt her grow shy.
    Don’t you dare —
    But he was already wiping the rest of the dust away. Her neck. The top of her breasts. Her breasts themselves. He had felt them through her shirt and under her shirt, but he had never seen them uncovered. Never touched their flesh and seen himself touching them. He reached a hand toward the glass, and then, laughing slightly, pulled back and placed it on the actual breast. Ran a finger beneath its curve. Traced the nipple with a nail.
    Jasper! Michaela protested.
    And yet he could feel her enjoying it, despite what had happened only an hour ago with Eric. With a start, he realized that this was what the Mogran did to their hosts. Regardless of what other changes they made, there was always this impulse toward the erotic—the sexual, the release. Full of disgust at what he’d become, he jerked his hand—no, Michaela’s hand—from Michaela’s breast. He threw the sheet away, left the rest of the mirror, the rest of her body, shrouded in dust. It was only after the fact that he realized Michaela had followed all this. He felt her curiosity even before she spoke.
    What’s a Mogran? Is it like a ghost?
    “I guess so. I don’t really know.” He thought of the Legion, its hunters and gatherers. “Some people call us demons.”
    He saw Michaela’s head nod in the mirror. Realized it was her nodding it. Realized she could do that, if he let her. If he didn’t get in her way.
    That one who was here before. He was a demon. A demon from hell .
    “You’re safe from him,” Jasper said quickly. “He can never get you again.”
    He could feel Michaela laugh.
    I don’t think you have to talk out loud. It might look weird .
    He was about to ask to whom, but then he realized Michaela was way ahead of him.
    It was him? Leo? In Q.? He killed you and Sila?
    Jasper nodded.
    We have to stop him , Michaela told him then. He can never do this to anyone again .
    “You realize he