Born 01 - Born

heart feels like it's fractured. I feel dizzy. I turn away from the pain I've caused and walk to Mona, who can repair my arm at least. I'm not sure what to do about my heart though.
    The next day, seeing the camp and the excitement on everyone's faces should have been enough. Families reuniting. Husbands and wives embracing, in fits of kissing and tears. This should be the payment for the pain, but my heart feels barren and dry.
    I spin in a circle and watch the villagers running at loved ones and strangers alike. Tears of joy and excitement are everywhere, at every turn.
    A pair of dark eyes watch me from the corner. I smile at them. He laughs and shakes his head. He points at his tent and then me. I walk to him, but not fast enough. I am still in the crowd when Star comes running at Will and jumps into his huge arms. I heave a bit. He hugs her. Tears build a dam in my throat.
    Marshall slams me on the back in what would be a friendly pat on a man's back. My tiny back aches from it. "You are a real pain in my ass. I should have killed you when I had the chance. I'm not even kidding. I knew you were trouble the minute I met you. Too damned smart and too damned cute." He paces the tent when we get inside.
    I stand, ready to receive the only real tongue-lashing I have ever endured. Part of me wants to cry. The other part refuses and forces a snotty look, which my father hated, across my face.
    Instead of screaming at me, like I assume he will, his face turns bright red and he smiles. "How? How did you do it? How did so many get away?"
    I'm stumped. He's being nice. Nice-ish.
    "Luck." It's all I really have to offer.
    He watches me for a minute and then belts out the most terrifying laugh I've ever heard. I jump, startled by the sound.
    Leo is at the entrance growling. I waved my hand at my thigh to signal.
    "You cheeky damn bitch. Luck. Luck, she says." He wipes his eyes. He's apparently crying he's laughing so hard. "Okay, was there another aspect of the mission you felt was successful beyond luck?"
    I watch his dark eyes and nod warily. "I found a scientist friend of yours who told me about a self-destruct panel in the basement. It's for if the infection makes its way into the farm."
    His eyes widen. "Does every farm have one?"
    I nod again, feeling less frightened by him. "Yeah. I guess a lot of places have them. They still fear the infection. It got into a breeder farm not too long ago so they installed the bomb things to implode the buildings."
    His eyes twinkle. He's hiding something.
    "You did a good job. You're a pain in the ass, and I have no idea how to feed them all, but you did amazing. I heard that you did it all alone."
    I shake my head. "No. Leo helped tons."
    He tilts his head at the growling wolf in the flap of the small tent. "The wolf?"
    "Yeah. And actually Will and everyone got the children and younger girls out. I only got the pregnant and newborn wards out. And honestly, that was your scientist friend who did that. Not me. A lot of women and babies didn’t make it though. Your friend died too. Honorably. He was carrying a young woman to safety."
    "It's always sad when life is lost."
    "It's worse when you are the reason for it." I don’t expect he will coddle me for my mistakes. He doesn’t surprise me with any kindness.
    He plays with his beard and thinks. "When can you be ready again?"
    I don’t understand. "What?"
    "The closest breeder farm is many days away but your idea with the truck ambush was pretty smart. It would work."
    I feel panic rising in me. He wants me to go back.
    A deep voice speaks behind us. "She was dead on. If it hadn’t been for the infected, she would have had us in there with no problem. We could have used the truck to get women out easier, too."
    I don’t turn around. I hate him.
    Marshall watches my face and nods at me. "You can go clean up, kid." I turn to leave but Will takes up the entire opening of the tent. He doesn’t move.
    "Marshall, I think she should take the women to the retreat. It's far and hidden." His huge chest is in my face and taking up all of the space in front of me.
    I turn back to Marshall. He looks at me and plays with his beard more. "Are you willing to lead them? I was thinking you could head to the next one once your wounds are better."
    Will cuts in again, "Marshall, me and the guys have this. We can use whatever women are in the trucks as bait. She doesn’t need to come. She should go to the retreat and stay there."
    I hate him. He's