Bride & Groom

8
     
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subj: Worries!!
 
 
Dearest Holly,
Your father insists that I convey to you his extreme apprehension about your safety in Cambridge. I have assured him that you are unlikely to frequent the parking garage beneath The Charles Hotel, or any other hotel for that matter, especially now, of course. It is my impression that your common sense passed to you through the maternal line. I trust you to use that heritage.
 
On the subject of maternal lineage, I want to pose a delicate question concerning the wording of your wedding invitation. As you know, while I never had the privilege of meeting your late mother, I hear marvelous things about her from everyone and, especially now, am acutely aware that you cherish her memory. As your wedding day approaches, how fervently you must long for her presence! And more to the point, for her name, together with your father's, on the invitation. Well, enough beating about the bush! Please answer me in all honesty! Who is to request the pleasure of the company of your guests? Your father?
Or Mr. and Mrs.? The Mrs. being, of course, yours truly, as I truly am, and am truly determined not to force my way into a position that a kinder Fate would have permitted your mother to occupy. I must also mention that she, Marissa, would perhaps have had greater success than I have been able to achieve in convincing your father that a wedding invitation is a formal announcement and, as such, requires the utmost in formality and therefore should not be worded "Mr. Buck Winter" or "Mr. and Mrs. Buck Winter," "Buck" being inherently informal, don't you think? I regret to report that in that matter, Mr. Buck Winter has prevailed. Luckily, however, Buck has agreed to wear a suit—the one he bought for our own wedding, so we may rest assured that he will look proper and handsome.
 
Now, on to yet one more delicate matter. In surfing the web, your father has discovered that the Commonwealth of Massachusetts issues one-day licenses whereby laypersons such as himself are authorized to solemnize marriages. Knowing your father as you do, you will immediately guess the particular layperson he has in mind. As I hope you understand, I fell deeply and permanently in love with Buck within seconds of meeting him at the previously ghastly show when I was an ignoramus about dogs and in need of the rescue he effected. That being said, I think him an unsuitable person to solemnize marriages—for the simple reason, dear Holly, that he would inevitably turn any wedding at all, including yours, into an event indistinguishable from a dog show.
It would be a miracle if he even mentioned you and Steve! Plus, you can't possibly want your father running the show, can you? Oh, dear, maybe I am barging in after all. Maybe you love the idea? If not, I urge you to make an alternative plan with the greatest possible speed. What about that nice Episcopal priest with the hearing dog? We ran into her in the Square. That you and Steve are not Episcopalians can't matter in the least, can it? I am and would be more than willing to put in a word for you. If necessary, you might want to convert. ASAP.
 
Your loving stepmother,
Gabrielle
 
 
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subj: Re: Worries!!
 
 
Dearest Gabrielle,
Steve and I want your name on the invitation! As to the solemnization of our marriage, it seems dishonest suddenly to become Episcopalians for the sole purpose of snagging a dog-friendly priest. Anyway, our priest friend will be away at a retreat.
 
We need to discuss this whole matter. I will call you soon.
 
Love,
Holly
     
    Gabrielle’s E-mail arrived on Saturday morning. I replied immediately and then phoned her the minute Steve left for work. The first thing I asked was whether my father was there. Happily, he wasn’t.
    “Wonderful,” I said. “Look, this whole idea of having him marry us is a nightmare. I don’t care what we have to do, but we’re going to put a stop to it. I haven’t told Steve about it, and I’m not going to tell him, and I need you to do everything you can to make sure that Steve never even begins to hear the slightest hint about it. Buck already has a role in the wedding. He’s the father of the bride. That’s his role. It’s his only role. And not just because he’d talk about dogs. The worst would be that he’d manage to say something mortifying about Steve’s previous marriage or... the