Bullheaded

bit less charged, let’s say, unless we’re so overcome with lust that we sink under the table to gratify our unnatural desires to the embarrassment of all the guests in the dining room.”
    Despite himself Johnny laughed. “You definitely know how to charm the pants off a man.”
    “A talent that has gotten me a lot of ass in my time.” Proudly, March winked at Johnny. “I just wanted to tell you to go back to him.”
    “To who?” He hadn’t mentioned Cody to March, had he? He would hate it if he’d moaned the wrong name in a moment of passion. Most guys wouldn’t have cared, but March was a man Johnny found himself respecting, and he wouldn’t want to hurt him.
    “Whoever the man is who holds your heart,” March responded. “I was proud of you for not letting me fuck you, even though it was an alarming blow to my ego. I know your body wanted me, but when you wouldn’t, I knew this man still has a hold over you. I don’t know anything about him, but I know a bit about you. You’re a fine young man, son, and you wouldn’t have chosen a man who would abuse you or betray your trust. Go back to him. Maybe you two can work it out.”
    “Your ego can relax, I wanted it too.” A flicker of guilt made Johnny clamp his jaw. “What makes you say all this? Are you some kind of a shrink?”
    “Well, I do have a degree in psychology now, although I’ve never hung out a shingle. I used to do long-haul trucking, logging, construction, anything to make a living. Once I earned my pile, I finally got to go to college. And incidentally, locate a new source of willing hot young men.” March smiled, perhaps suspecting Johnny was thinking about the Shakespearean trucker. “I’ve been gay and on the prowl for a long time now. I’m not out drumming up the vote for monogamy, but some people like it. I think you’re one of them.”
    “Maybe.”
    “I get with a lot of men and there isn’t much love in our encounters. In my opinion, it’s all too rare in this world. Companionable buddy sex, yes. Love, not so often.”
    “You don’t have a boyfriend, then.”
    “Not right now. There’s one I never should have let get away. He was younger than me. Quite a bit younger. We were in different places in our lives and I made some mistakes and fucked it up. He lost patience.”
    “Sounds like me and C—us.”
    March was kind enough not to draw attention to his slip. “Maybe. I don’t know your story. We both made mistakes, but I was older and I should have figured it out quicker than I did. Like before he left. But we’re talking about you. If you once found love with someone special, you should give it a chance.”
    “How come you’re assuming I’m not fucking around on the side?”
    March smiled and shook his head. “You’re not.”
    Respecting March’s obvious reluctance to talk about his ex, Johnny said, “I’ve been thinking a lot about him.”
    “You miss him?”
    Johnny looked down at his orange juice. “Yeah.”
    “Why’d you break up?”
    “It wasn’t a big blow-up,” Johnny started hesitantly. “It was a bunch of little things. The way he just made plans without asking. He used to talk about his old conquests.”
    “Ah, the ancient cock notches. It bothered you?”
    Johnny nodded. “I’d never been with anyone but him. I didn’t know anything other than what he showed me.”
    “Oh my. He must have enjoyed breaking you in.”
    “I never told him. He had a lot of experience—he teased me a lot about being younger, and made decisions for both of us. It just—got to me one day.”
    “Every thoughtless jibe might be as light as a feather but they accumulate until the weight is enough to smother and you can’t shake it off anymore. In a long-term relationship, you have to learn to roll with it but also not be a doormat. You have a right to stick up for yourself.” March leaned forward and tapped his index finger on the tablecloth. “It may be over for you two, but if you don’t go back and find out, you’ll never be able to give yourself to another man. If you don’t want to end up a sad old queen cruising mall johns, maybe you should give it another shot.”
    “I’ll definitely give it some thought.”
    “You think about it and do what’s best for you. You don’t need to take care of him. It’s his job to look after himself. But tell him what you told me, especially about not being too experienced.”
    “I haven’t been wasting my time since we broke up.” Johnny