Bullheaded

touch.
    When March told him to go back to Cody and give it another try, it was as if he’d given Johnny permission to miss Cody. And Johnny was missing him badly: his laugh, his scent, the intent way he came after him when he wanted sex. Even the bad parts made Johnny homesick.
    He was so lost in his misery, Reese had to repeat himself to be heard.
    “So, after Baton Rouge, we got ourselves a little break. Going anywhere fun?”
    Johnny shook his head. “Hadn’t really thought about it.”
    “Going to visit with your mother?”
    “No.”
    “Take a vacation?”
    “Probably better find some kind of work. I could use the money,” Johnny mumbled.
    “Well, if you ain’t got nowhere to go, you could ride along with me. I’m fixing to go home to my ranch and get a few chores done. Kind of raise up my popularity with the wife a little before I get on her nerves after finals.” Reese chuckled. “I can give you room and board and my wife is the best cook around, especially after eating on the road. If you feel like helping out, I could probably scrounge up a few bucks for you.”
    It was a struggle against Johnny’s pride. He hated feeling as though he needed a handout, but the plain truth was that he did. The fact that the money would be going to help his mother didn’t make it any easier. “I’d appreciate it,” Johnny said stiffly.
    “Time’ll fly by, you’ll see. And Vern lives just down the road. A couple riders live round about too. You’ll be all right.” Reese reached over to punch Johnny lightly on the shoulder. “Truth is, you need a break. We all do. Man can’t just run full steam ahead all the time, much as you might want to.”
    “Maybe you’re right.” Johnny relaxed into the heat again and tried not to think about Cody curling up around him in their bed. Or why he had to keep running.

    J OHNNY was thankful the break was only two weeks. It was hot, the work was dirty and mostly couldn’t be done from the back of a horse, and he was staying in a single-wide with two guys who seemed to live there permanently and didn’t know quite what to make of him.
    He was used to maintaining a certain level of privacy around Reese and Vern, but he didn’t have to share a room with them when they stayed in motels. Here he felt endangered, as if he had to be on guard every minute. Both of Reese’s hands seemed to be content with a life of hard work lightened by a little hard drinking on the weekends and mixed with temporary female companionship. It was something Johnny couldn’t bring himself to even pretend about, so he stayed at the ranch when they went to town.
    He never saw Vern or any of the riders Reese said lived on the same road, and he was glad of it. It was depressing to see what could have been his life if he hadn’t discovered bullfighting. And he was missing Cody badly and trying not to think about it.
    He was counting the days before they’d get back on the road and feeling as though he might explode with need. He hadn’t thought he and Zane got that much action on the road, but two weeks of paranoid celibacy made him feel as though he might deck someone for a blowjob.
    The last day before they were due to hit the road, the weather changed. Johnny remembered the slicker he’d left hanging on the hook at the house he’d shared with Cody. Maybe leaving it behind was a sign from his subconscious, but the slicker was there and he was here. He made do with a makeshift trash-bag poncho, shivering when the water dripped off his hat and slid down his neck. His boots were heavy with caked mud, but stock still had to be watered and fed and cows had to be milked.
    At the end of the day, he stood next to Reese inside the doorway of the barn, watching the rain sheet down, almost too tired and miserable to make a break for the house.
    “Weather broke,” Reese commented. “It’s fall now. It’ll be cooler now when we get back on the road. Good for the bulls. They’ll be more frisky. Then we’ll be on the upswing to the finals. It’ll be exciting.”
    “You glad to get back to work?” Johnny asked.
    “Yeah. Good seeing the wife and the place, but I love the ramp-up to the finals. Most exciting time of the year.” Reese stretched and then slapped Johnny on the shoulder. “Supper should be on the table. Let’s go get some.”
    Silently, Johnny followed Reese to the house. Reese chatted with his wife and the hands, but Johnny didn’t say much. He helped with the dishes, and