Bullheaded

leaving the group to watch TV, walked through the rain by himself to the trailer. The sudden vibration of the phone in his pocket sent a jolt through him, and he hoped it was Cody.

Chapter 14:
The Fall

    C ODY couldn’t wait two weeks. Watching the touring division on the NBR YouTube channel just to get a glimpse of Johnny in action, trying to concentrate on contracting his bulls and doing exhibition riding when it wasn’t the kind of riding he wanted to do… it all made him think about the promise he made to his mother. He finally came to the conclusion he was being a coward, and he didn’t like it.
    So finally he gave in and texted Johnny. He stopped short of saying he missed him—that would have been cutting a little too close to the bone—but implied he would be in the general area of the next touring event and asked if they could meet after the show.
    To his surprise, Johnny had sent him a text, saying he traveled with Vern and Vern liked to hit the road after the final round on the second day, but he’d be willing to meet after the first night’s show.
    Cody texted back, asking where, and when the answer came back he stared at it in dismay.
    A gay bar. Johnny wanted to meet in a gay bar. It confirmed the worst of his jealous fears that Johnny had been out sampling the oats, as his father put it. But it also aroused a perverse instinct to refuse. If this was some kind of test to see if he was brave enough, Cody wanted to text back, “Fuck you!” Johnny had no right—but maybe he did.
    Maybe he’d gotten complacent with hiding who he was so it didn’t rankle, but Johnny must want someone to know about him, even if it was random guys in a gay bar in west podunk. Cody had given so many other things priority in life, he no longer even thought about being out. But Johnny was younger. And there it was again; they were at different stages in their lives. He’d been expecting Johnny to make all the adjustments because Cody was set in his life, and it wasn’t fair to Johnny. But it also wasn’t fair to expect him to out himself at this point. If he came out before nationals, he might still win, but there wouldn’t be too many fans cheering for him and his sponsors would pull the plug on his contracts.
    He became aware time was passing as the text he was looking at dimmed, and he hadn’t answered it yet. Maybe this was a test, and if he didn’t answer right, he’d lose Johnny forever. His whole future was hanging on a fucking text, where he couldn’t see Johnny’s expression, couldn’t fix it if he said the wrong thing. The fact that he stuck his foot in his mouth so often without knowing made it even more likely he’d blurt out the wrong thing.
    He took a deep breath. “I’ll be there,” he typed in.
    There was no answer. Maybe Johnny thought he’d blown him off and turned off his phone. Maybe he’d answer later. Texting sucked. He had no idea whether Johnny had seen his text or not.
    Maybe he was too late, but maybe Johnny had had to go do something. He couldn’t sit around staring at his phone all the time.
    Cody tortured himself for the six hours it took until he finally got an answer. Johnny had typed, “Great. See you then.” Except of course he used text shorthand, and it took Cody a minute to decipher it. Another thing that made him feel old despite only a ten-year difference, and he hated it.
    All he had to do was shake Dub and get on a plane to Yakima.

    N ORMALLY getting dressed was easy. Cody thought he was a good-looking man, or at least that’s what people usually told him. His mother was probably on the partial side, but Johnny used to like how he looked. Now he agonized between the light-blue shirt and the dark-blue one. As if his whole future depended on which shirt he chose, because if he didn’t pick the one that would make Johnny want him enough to come back, then Cody was screwed. Finally he closed his eyes and stabbed a finger at the bed.
    The light-blue one. No question about the jeans. He only owned one set of dress pants and one suit, and he hadn’t brought them along. In fact, he couldn’t remember if Johnny had ever seen him in anything but jeans. Luckily Cody thought jeans looked good on him and set off his ass.
    His boots were clean and polished to a high sheen for a change. He’d shaved carefully. His hair was neatly trimmed. His nails were clean. He felt like a damn fool or a girl getting ready for her first date. He was excited, resentful, and anxious,