Carpe Jugulum

repeating myself, my girl. People aren’t going to tell me what I ought to do no more. I know what’s ought and what’s not. Your husband invited vampires into the country, did he? That’s modern for you. Well, everyone else knows that a vampire don’t have no power over you ’less you invite it in, and if it’s a king as does the inviting, then they’ve got their teeth into the whole country. And I’m an ol’ woman living in the woods and I’ve got to make it all better? When there’s three of you? I’ve had a lifetime of ought from can to can’t and now it’s over, and I’ll thank you for gettin’ out of my cave. And that’s an end of it.”
    Nanny glanced at the other two and shrugged.
    “Come on, then,” she said. “If we get a wiggle on we can be back at the broomsticks before dark.”
    “Is that all ?” said Magrat.
    “Things come to an end,” said Granny. “I’m going to rest up here and then I’m on my way. Plenty of places to go.”
    Now get her to tell you the truth, said Perdita. Agnes bit down. Ought had been bad enough.
    “So we’ll be getting along,” said Nanny. “Come on.”
    “But—”
    “But me no buts,” said Nanny. “As Granny would have said.”
    “That’s right!” said Granny, lying back.
    As they filed back into the caves Agnes heard Perdita start counting.
    Magrat patted her pockets. Nanny patted her knickerlegs.
    Magrat said, “Oh, I must have le—”
    “Blow, I left my pipe back there,” said Nanny, so quickly that the sentence overtook the one in front.
    Five seconds, said Perdita. “I didn’t see you take it out,” said Agnes.
    Nanny gave her a piercing look. “Really? Then I’d better go and leave it there, hadn’t I. Was there something you’d left too, Magrat? Never mind, I’ll be sure to look for it, whatever it was going to be.”
    “Well!” said Magrat, as Nanny darted back.
    “Granny was certainly not telling the truth,” said Agnes.
    “Of course she wasn’t, she never does,” said Magrat. “She expects you to work it out for yourself.”
    “But she’s right about us being three witches.”
    “Yes, but I never intended to come back to it, I’ve got other things to do. Oh, perhaps when Esme’s older I thought, maybe, a bit of part-time aromatherapy or something, but not serious full time witching. This power-of-three business is…well, it’s very old-fashioned…”
    And what have we got now? Perdita chimed in. The knowing but technically inexperienced young woman, the harassed young mother and the silver-haired golden ager…doesn’t exactly sound mythic, does it? But Magrat just bundled up her little baby as soon as she heard Granny was in trouble and she didn’t even stop to worry about her husband…
    “Wait a moment…listen,” said Agnes.
    “What for?”
    “Just listen…the sound echoes in these caves…”

Nanny Ogg sat down on the sand and wriggled slightly to settle in firmly. She took out her pipe.
    “So,” she said to the recumbent figure, “apart from all that, how are you feeling?”
    There was no reply.
    “Saw Mrs. Patternoster this morning,” Nanny went on chattily. “Her from over in Slice. Just passed the time of day. Mrs. Ivy is bearing up well, she says.”
    She blew out a cloud of smoke.
    “I put her right about a few things,” she said.
    There was still silence from the shadowy figure.
    “The Naming went off all right. The priest’s as wet as a snow omelet, though.”
    “I can’t beat ’em, Gytha,” said Granny. “I can’t beat ’em, and that’s a fact.”
    One of Nanny Ogg’s hidden talents was knowing when to say nothing. It left a hole in the conversation that the other person felt obliged to fill.
    “They’ve got minds like steel. I can’t touch ’em. I’ve been tryin’ everything. Every trick I’ve got! They’ve been searching for me but they can’t focus right when I’m in here. The best one nearly got to me at the cottage. My cottage !”
    Nanny Ogg understood the horror. A witch’s cottage was her fortress.
    “I’ve never felt anything like it, Gytha. He’s had hundreds of years to get good. You noticed the magpies? He’s using ’em as eyes. And he’s clever, too. He’s not going to fall to a garlic sandwich, that one. I can pick up that much. These vampires has learned . That’s what they’ve never done before. I can’t find a way into ’em anywhere . They’re more powerful, stronger, they think quick…I tell you, going mind to mind with