Coda 02 -A to Z

That’s good. ’Cause I’m not thinkin’ ’bout him.

    “Sure.” He glances back at his friends, who are just starin’ at us like we’re the fuckin’ main event. “Let me tell my friends—” “Don’t bother. You’ll be comin’ right back.”
    I can’t tell if he’s disappointed by that or not. Don’t really care. He follows me out of the club. I take him down the street to a coffee shop. Never much business this time of night. The bathrooms are big and clean and not the type with the stalls. These are meant for one person at a time and the doors lock. For a nice tip, the baristas will look the other way and leave you alone as long as you want. I know a bathroom ain’t exactly romantic, but nobody here’s lookin’ for romance. The girl workin’ tonight has blue streaks in her hair and lots of metal in her face. I slip her a twenty, and she winks at me.
    My guy follows me in without a word, and I lock the door. He leans against the wall and looks at me like he just won the fuckin’ lottery. Guess maybe he did. He’s waitin’ for me to tell him what to do. I like that. Not that I want to be some kind of domineerin’ asshole, but I won’t let guys push me around when it comes to sex. I gotta call the shots.
    I know instinctively Zach would let me. But I’m not thinkin’ ’bout him.
    More rules now. I don’t let them kiss me. Never let them fuck me. Won’t tell them my name, even though they always ask. They usually tell me theirs, but I don’t listen.
    Right on cue, he says, “What’s your name?”

    “Dave.” I pull a condom out of my pocket and hand it to him. “Gotta wear it.”
    “Sure. Okay.” Poor guy’s so nervous, he’s startin’ to sweat a little. He just stands there lookin’ at the little foil package like it might blow up in his hands.
    I make myself smile. I push close to him and start to undo his pants. “It’s okay, man. Just relax. I’ll take care of everything.”
    He’s not exactly relaxin’, but I can see the anticipation in his eyes. Arousal is startin’ to win out over nervousness. I get his pants out of the way. He’s already completely hard. I stroke him a few times with my hands, ’til he quits bein’ freaked out and starts to roll with it. His eyes close and his breathin’ starts to speed up. Then I put the condom on.
    “Hey.” I wait for him to open his eyes and look at me. “You touch my head, I’ll leave you here with a bad fuckin’ case of blue balls. Got it?”
    He nods. Good enough.
    I get down in front of him and start. I’m good at this. Don’t ask me why, ’cause I don’t know. I can swallow a guy pretty deep. Guess that’s part of it. Seems like that can’t be all of it, but like I said, I don’t know. This guy definitely likes it. As soon as I start, he says, “Holy fuck!” He actually starts to reach for my head, too, but then he catches himself and puts both of his hands behind his back.
    I do my best to make it good for him, especially since he didn’t argue with me about the condom. I don’t take him to the edge right away. I let him get real close a couple of times, then back off. Even use my fingers on his rim a little bit. When he finally comes, he cries out and grabs my shoulders so hard, I think I might end up with bruises. I don’t mind. He didn’t touch my head. That’s all I really care about.
    Afterward I rinse out my mouth while he’s still catchin’ his breath. Finally he looks over at me, and if he thought he’d won the lotto before, now he looks like he just found out the payout is twice what he originally thought.
    “What would you like?” he asks.

    “Same thing.” I pull out a condom and offer it to him. “It’s up to you whether I wear this or not.”
    He shakes his head. He’s already gettin’ down in front of me and undoin’ my pants. “You can grab all you want,” he says. “I don’t mind.” And then he starts. I close my eyes, and just let myself drift away with the feelin’ of his lips on me. It’s been so fuckin’ long, I almost forgot how good it feels. Can’t remember right now why I don’t let this happen more often. He said I could grab him, and I do. I hold on tight, feel that dark brown hair in my hands, and tell myself over and over again I’m not gonna think about Zach.
    But in the end, I do.
    I imagine it’s his dark hair tangled around my fingers and his mouth on me and his hands hangin’ on tight to my hips. I wonder how it would feel to let him kiss