Coda 02 -A to Z

“You. Me. This fuckin’ job. I can’t do it anymore.”
    “You’re quitting?”
    Yeah, I thought about those words all night. Thing is, I never really intended to say them. Can’t take ’em back now, though. And maybe it’s for the best. He’s still watchin’ me, lookin’ like he’s just been sucker-punched, which I guess isn’t too far off. “Yeah. I’m quittin’.”
    “Okay.” I know his simple answer isn’t ’cause he doesn’t care. I know he’s still tryin’ to catch up. I gotta get out of here before he does.
    “See you ’round, Zach.”
I’m halfway out the door when he says, “Angelo, wait!” I stop. Know I shouldn’t. But I do.
    “I don’t know what’s going on, but I really don’t want you to go. I need you here. And I—” He stops short, like he almost was gonna say somethin’ but thought better of it. “You know this place is going to fall apart without you.” I smile a little bit when he says that. Can’t help it. My back’s to him, though. He doesn’t see. “If there’s something going on and you need time off, you can have it.” He stops for a second, then says, real quiet, “Anything you want, Ang.” And I’m tryin’ real hard all of a sudden not to cry. “Come back, though, when you can. Please?”
    I want to go to him. I want to put my arms around him and have him comfort me like I’m a little kid. I want to just cry like a fuckin’ baby.
    Clearly not an option.

    Instead I just walk away.
    I go back home. Crawl back into bed and sleep the whole day away. Wake up feelin’ lots better but have to hurry to make it to the gas station in time for my shift. Night shift mostly consists of sittin’ on my ass, starin’ out the window. I have a lot of time to think ’bout Zach.
    Seemed like a good idea this mornin’ to cut all ties. Get away and just forget all about him and that stupid store. I been alone my whole life. Never intended to change that. Thing is, it feels wrong now. Guess I’m sorta accustomed to him, after workin’ with him every day and hangin’ at his house at night. Feels good bein’ with him, even if what he feels isn’t what I feel. Zach doesn’t look down on me for bein’ a dropout or a fuckup. Never acts like he’s better than me. Never acts condescendin’ or assumes he knows stuff I don’t. Treats me better than I’m used to bein’ treated.
    And crazy as I am over him, I realize part of the reason I want him so much is because he isn’t attracted to me. Met a whole lotta guys over the years who only wanted to get me into bed. Felt sometimes like that was all I was good for. Zach’s the first person who treated me like a friend, not just a potential lay. Means a lot to me.
    After my shift I go home and go back to bed but wake up earlier than usual. Not used to sleepin’ so much. I almost go in for my shift at A to Z. Walk all the way to the store, stand there starin’ at the door for a long time. Chicken out in the end, though. Not sure what to say to Zach.
    I go back home and spend the day sittin’ ’round my apartment thinkin’ ’bout him. Not sure why I been makin’ this so hard. It’s simple, really. There’s no reason to run away. Just ’cause I finally accepted I’ve fallen for him doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. Maybe eventually Zach will want to be with me. Maybe he won’t. Maybe I’ll quit feelin’ like this. Doesn’t matter.
    Never really had a friend like him. No way in the world am I lettin’ him go now.

    I check the clock. I know Zach’ll just be gettin’ home. I stop by A to Z on my way to his house, pick up a movie.
    Can’t believe how nervous I am ringin’ his doorbell. He opens the door, and I make myself look up at him. He’s smilin’ at me like I’m fuckin’ Santa Claus finally brought him the damn pony he’s been askin’ for.
    “I got you curry,” he says.

    And for the first time since I knew him, I think I’m the one tryin’ to catch up. All I can say is, “Thanks, Zach.”

    I hand him the movie as I walk past. He laughs. “ The Breakfast Club ? You hate this movie.”

    “You don’t.”
    It’s an apology or a peace offerin’ of sorts, and he gets it. He comes up behind me, grabs me by the neck and kisses me on my temple. Him touchin’ me like that makes my heart race, and I pull away from him. He just laughs and says, “I’m glad you’re here.” He pushes me toward the fridge. “Get yourself a beer. I’ll put the movie in.”
    We sit on