Coda 02 -A to Z

even say what I feel without you assuming I’m trying to push you into something.”
    I know he’s right. I been doin’ everything my way and runnin’ away every time he tries to be close to me. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be sorry, Ang. Just don’t be so scared of me, either, okay?”

    “I’m tryin’, Zach. I’m tryin’ so hard.” I have tears in my eyes now, and I fight them. I don’t want to cry in front of him. “I know.”
    “I can’t be like them yet.” And he doesn’t ask who I mean, so he must know it’s Matt and Jared. “I want to, though, eventually. I really do.”
    “I understand.”
“Can you wait for me?”
“As long as it takes.”
“Will you hate me for it?”
“Never.”
“Will you say it for me now?”
“I love you like crazy.”
“Zach?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
    He does. And it’s gentle and so sweet. He pushes me back on the bed, just keeps kissin’ me, his hands soft and lovin’, movin’ all over me. Never demandin’. Just givin’. And he whispers in my ear again that he loves me. And suddenly some wall inside me comes crumblin’ down. Before I know it, I’m cryin’ for real. Don’t want to, but I just can’t stop all those tears. So much emotion I didn’t quite realize I had, all crammed up inside. I’ve been sure for so long that he couldn’t really love me. That he loved some idea of what he wanted me to be. Now all that tension and fear and anger—it all just comes out. All I can do is hang on to him, and still he just kisses me and holds me until the tears finally dry up. Until finally all that’s left is desire.
    I get our shorts off, then roll us over so I’m on top. Get the tube out of the drawer and spread some on him.
    “You’re not a bird at all,” he says suddenly.
I smile down at him. “No kiddin’.”
    “You’re an angel. You’re mom must have known, too, because that’s what she named you.”

    “No angel ever did this,” I say as I push down onto him, all the way, feel him fillin’ me. I lean down to kiss him, but he stops me. “Ang, are you planning to fly away?”

    When we’re like this, him inside of me, it’s like the bird in my chest doesn’t exist at all. I love him so much. “Say it again.”
    “I love you.”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“No. I’m not flyin’ anywhere.”

Zach…
    T HINGS between us got a lot better after that night. Angelo quit being so skittish. He came to my house almost every night and stayed through the night more often than not. Geisha even ended up back at my house, although she still didn’t want anything to do with me. Angelo still had times when he had to get away—usually only one or two nights a week but sometimes more. I never complained, but when he finally came back, I always told him how much I had missed him. And he would just kiss me and say, “I know.”
    Business at A to Z was good. Angelo had been going crazy buying all kinds of movies online to add to the collection. We were slowly getting everything together for the theater portion of A to Z. We bought the projection equipment and had it installed. We debated for a week between big, cushy, home-theater-type seats or tables with restaurant style chairs. In the end we did both: we had two rows of theater seats at the front, and had an elevated stage constructed behind them with the tables and chairs there. I found a caterer to serve dinners. We were still waiting for the food and alcohol licenses to be finalized but were planning to open on Thanksgiving weekend.
    I was just getting ready to close the shop one Wednesday afternoon when Angelo called. “Will you pick me up at Matt’s on your way home?” he asked. We took turns closing Monday through Thursday, and he had left at two that day.
    When I got there, Jared answered the door.
“They’re back there,” he said, pointing down the hall. There was a strange buzzing sound coming from that direction. I turned and headed towards it. “Brace yourself,” Jared said jokingly. I wondered what he was talking about, but I didn’t have to wonder for long.
    I found Matt and Angelo in the bathroom. The door was open, and Ang was leaning over the sink. The buzzing sound was an electric hair trimmer. Matt had just finished shaving Angelo’s hair off. They had used an attachment, so it wasn’t as brutally short as Matt’s, but it was still a huge shock to see all that hair lying in the sink.
    “I’ll go get the broom,” Matt said and went past me,