Coda 05 -Paris a to Z

hotel, by which point I was angry, bitter, and freezing cold. As if that wasnt enough, I was also starving.
    “Where the hell have you been?” Angelo asked when I got back to the room. He didnt seem to be angry so much as confused, but it annoyed me nonetheless.
    “I got lost,” I snapped.
“Wasnt Jon with you?” he asked.
Shit. I should have known that question would come next, and I
    didnt know how to answer. I didnt want to tell Angelo what had happened, but I wasnt good at lying on the fly. I couldnt think of any reason to give him for having left Jon standing on the corner while I wandered around Paris on my own. I tried to cover up my discomfort by saying, “I need to shower.” I turned and headed for the bedroom, but he followed me.
    “What happened, Zach?”
“Nothing.”
“I know youre lyin.”
Of course he did. “I dont want to talk about it.”
“Did you get in a fight?”
“No.” If only it had been that simple.
“Then tell me what the fuck happened.” He was suspicious now at
    my evasiveness, and hurt that I didnt trust him, and probably a little bit pissed too.
    “I said I don’t want to talk about it .”
“Zach,” he said, his voice low and angry, and I knew he was about to ask me another question, but he was interrupted by a knock on the door. I hoped he couldnt see how relieved I was.

    Angelo walked to the door and opened it to find Jonathan on the other side.
    Jon looked embarrassed. He barely glanced at me, and he couldnt look at Angelo at all. He looked at the floor and said, “Id like to talk to Zach.”
    Angelo turned to glare at me. If he was suspicious before, he was doubly so now. The seconds seemed to tick by in slow motion as Angelo considered it. He had one hand on the doorknob, and I wouldnt have been surprised to see him shut it in Jons face. My heart was pounding. Part of me wondered what Jon wanted to say. Part of me was scared to find out.
    Angelo was still looking at me with accusation in his eyes. “Zach?” he asked, obviously expecting me to say either yes or no.
I couldnt stand it. I didnt have the strength to deal with either one of them at the moment, and now both of them were staring at me, both of them waiting for me to answer. One was hopeful and the other angry. One wanted me to say yes, and the other was demanding that I say no.
I had no idea what to do, and in the end, I took a page out of Angelos book and said simply, “What the fuck ever.”
Angelos eyes flashed and his jaw clenched, but he opened the door for Jon. He didnt even look at me as he pushed past me on his way to the bedroom, and I knew Id be working to smooth things over with him once Jon was gone. I hoped I could handle it.
Jon came in and closed the door, not quite looking at me, and I sat down on the back of the couch and waited for him to speak. He seemed to be working up the nerve to say whatever it was that was on his mind, and I waited. It helped because it gave me time to calm down a bit. I took some deep breaths and made myself relax. My heart slowed to something like a reasonable pace, and the anger Id felt before faded. It left me feeling slightly sick. And exhausted. And incredibly guilty. In the end, it was me who broke the silence.
“Im really happy for you and Cole,” I said, and I was surprised to realize how much I meant it. I noticed, too, how just hearing Coles name made him smile.
“Thank you,” he said. “Im happy for you too. I wasnt before, when

    we saw each other in Vegas. But I am now.”
“Do you think were both finally where we need to be?”
“Yes,” he said. “And its a good place for both of us.” He was right. Id known from the moment Id watched Angelo washing paint from the brushes in the back room of A to Z that he was going to become my whole life. And I had no regrets about that at all. “Im glad you came. I knew youd have reservations about it. About seeing me again. But I dont want things to be bad between us.”
“I know.”
He turned to look at me, and he looked hurt and confused. I tried not to think how many times Id seen that look on his face before. And every time, it had been my fault. “Id hoped wed be able to put the past behind us,” he said. “Isnt that what you want?”
“Yes,” I sighed. More than anything, I wanted that too. I wanted to look at him and not feel the guilt bearing down on me.
“I want for us to be friends.” There was a tightness in his voice that surprised me. He was fighting tears. I still knew