Coda Books 04 - Strawberries for Dessert (MM)

“So what’s bothering you?”
    “What makes you think anything is?” She didn’t even bother to answer. She finished her beer and opened another one. So I told her my dilemma. “And all Cole or my dad will say is that I should do what feels right,” I concluded. “And I have no idea what to do.”
    She sat there looking at me for a long time. I started to squirm a little under her obvious scrutiny. “Here’s what I know, Jon,” she said at last. “We’ve been talking for the last three hours. And every single time you say Cole’s name, you smile.” And as if I had to prove her right, I did it again. “And every time you say ‘Vegas’”—I felt the smile leave my face—“you stop.” She shrugged. “It’s that simple.” She put down her beer and stood up to leave.
    “You’re going?”
    “I have to get home, Jon. But thanks for dinner.”
    “You’re welcome.”
    “Let me know what you decide.”
    She left, and I sat there thinking about what she had said. It was so ridiculously simple, and it seemed like a foolish thing to base my decision on. But she was right. The thought of moving to Vegas had kept my stomach tied in knots all weekend. Every single time I thought about it, it made me wince.
    I leaned back on the couch. I closed my eyes. And for the first time, I really thought about the alternative. I quit worrying about the stigma of accepting a demotion, and I thought about the job .
    As a Junior Liaison Account Director, I would be working from our Phoenix office to support the guys who were still in the field. It would mean phone calls, but mostly during business hours. It would mean less pay, but not significantly. It would mean less travel.
    I stopped there for a moment.
    Not just less travel, but almost no travel at all.
    And that knot in my chest started to ease.
    I would be home almost all the time. I could actually use my show tickets instead of giving them all to Julia. I could spend more time with my dad. Not only would that make me happy, it would make him happy, and that was important to me. And not traveling would mean a return to a normal life. Not living out of suitcases half the time.
    Maybe I could even get a cat again.
    And Cole?
    I felt myself smile.
    Yes. And Cole would be there too, hopefully waiting for me when
    I got home.
    I thought about the way I had felt on Friday as I unpacked. How good it felt to be home again after so long with Cole in the kitchen cooking dinner. I remembered thinking so clearly that it simply felt right .
    Julia, my dad, Cole—they had been telling me all along. It really was that simple.
    Monday morning, I drove to work feeling good. I told Marcus my decision. He was surprised, but he assured me it wouldn’t be a problem.
    It would still be several weeks before the change took effect, and until then, I would still be traveling like always. But now, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. It looked like salvation.
    After work I went home where Cole was waiting, barefoot in my kitchen. I told him my decision, and although he turned quickly away to hide his reaction, I saw the relief there on his face.
    I didn’t care about dinner. I turned off the stove. I took his hand and led him to the bedroom….
    And everything about it felt right .

Date: January 24
    From: Cole
    To: Jared
    It seems Jonathan won’t be moving after all. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to hear him say the words. And the fact that I was relieved frightened me.

    I WAS surprised when only a week later, Cole informed me that he was leaving town. I had returned home from work like always to find him cooking in my kitchen. We had a nice dinner, and then I did the dishes and caught up on some work while he read on my couch. And then we went in the bedroom and made love. And it wasn’t until afterward, when we were lying in the dark, on opposite sides of the bed like always, that he told me.
    “I’m leaving for New York tomorrow.”
    “You’re what ?” I asked, stunned. “Why?”
    “It’s just time, love. That’s all.”
    “How long will you be gone?”
    “I don’t know really. A week, I suppose. Maybe two.”
    I resisted the urge to ask bitterly if he would be seeing Raul while he was there. “We’ve only had a few nights together since before Thanksgiving,” I said, trying not to sound like I was whining. “Do you have to go now?”
    “I really do, love,” he said, but there was something strange in his voice. I wished once again that I could