Coda Books 04 - Strawberries for Dessert (MM)

pride rule. Forfeit your life here to chase your next promotion. Or you can forget all that and do what makes you happy.” He shrugged. “I want you to stay. But it can’t be about me.”
    I couldn’t even look at him. I kept my eyes on the table and said, “I don’t think I want to leave Phoenix.”
    “What does Cole think?”
    I closed my eyes, tried to block out the chaos in my head and in my heart. “He won’t say.”
    A moment of silence, and then he said quietly, “That’s good.”
    “How is that good, Dad?” I asked in annoyance. “It doesn’t help me one bit.”
    “He’s not using your feelings for him, or his for you, to make you do what he wants. He’s trying to let you choose for yourself.” He shrugged. “I think that’s admirable.”
    “I don’t want to leave him,” I said, and a weight I hadn’t quite known was there lifted from my shoulders. It was such a relief, just to say it—to finally admit out loud that he was a factor.
    “Are things that serious?”
    “No,” I said. “Not yet. But I feel like I’m on the right path, Dad.
    And I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I want to be able to see where it leads.” He looked away from me, looking at some point over my left shoulder. “Is that so wrong?”
    He sighed, and met my eyes again. “No,” he said gently. “It’s not wrong. If you were staying only for him, I might say it was foolish. But this is your home, Jon. I….” He had to look down at the table again to say it. “You’re all I have left, Jon, and I don’t want you to go. But I know you can’t stay for me either. If you stay, stay for you . But the important thing is if you leave , then leave for you too. Don’t throw away your life here simply because they say you should.”
    “I don’t know how to decide.”
    “Quit thinking about it so much. You’re trying to make this about logic, but some things can’t be quantified. I know that’s counterintuitive for you, but”—he shrugged—“my advice is ‘stop thinking’. Pick the option that feels right .”
    “That’s exactly what Cole said.”
    He smiled, shaking his head. “I think I might like that fruitcake after all.”

    TO MY surprise, Cole wasn’t waiting for me when I got home. I had fully expected that we would spend the rest of the weekend together—we usually did when we were both in town.
    I called him on his cell phone, and his voice when he answered was wary. “Hello, love.”
    “Are you coming back for dinner?” I asked.
    “I don’t think so.”
    “Then tomorrow?”
    “No.”
    “Cole, are you mad? I’m sorry if—”
    “Honey, I’m not mad.”
    “Then what?”
    “You have to tell Marcus your decision on Monday?”
    “Yes,” I said, unsure what that had to do with dinner tonight.
    “If you like, I’ll be waiting for you when you get home.”
    “Why can’t I see you tonight?”
    “Because I can’t help you, love. I know you want me to. But I can’t. You need to decide what’s right for you.”
    “But Cole—” I said, feeling like he had abandoned me, but he interrupted me.
    “Whatever your decision is,” he said quietly, “we’ll work it out.”
    I sighed. I still wished he would say more, but I also felt better hearing those final words. We would work it out. “Okay,” I said.
    “I’ll have a glass of wine waiting, and I’ll make the Bolognese. I know how much you like it.” That made me smile. It was one of my favorites. “We haven’t had dessert in an awfully long time, love,” he said, and it was good to hear that mocking tone back in his voice.
    “You’re not getting out of it on Monday.”
    I laughed. “Why in the world would I want to?”

    I RATTLED around my house all afternoon, and most of Sunday.
    Finally, around four, I called Julia.
    “I’ll buy beer and pizza if you’ll keep me company,” I said after she answered.
    “An offer I can’t refuse,” she said, laughing. “I’ll be there in an hour.”
    We sat in my living room with the beer and pizza on the coffee table between us and talked. She told me about her husband’s job and her kids—the oldest was in the drama club, and the youngest played soccer, and the middle one didn’t seem to do much of anything. She talked about her brother Tony in California, who couldn’t seem to stay faithful to any man and then couldn’t understand why they left him.
    She asked about Cole and about what shows we had seen recently and about work. And finally she asked,