Coda Books 04 - Strawberries for Dessert (MM)

as he started to put his walls back in place.
    “I sign Margaret’s paychecks. It wasn’t hard to convince her to let me in.”
    He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was quieter. “Why did you come?”
    I stepped closer to him. He didn’t move, and when I put my hands on his arms, he tensed noticeably. I hesitated a moment, not wanting to push him too far, too fast, but I had waited so long. I couldn’t stand not to touch him. I stepped close enough that I could put my nose into his hair and smell the strawberry shampoo he used. Such a ridiculously stupid thing, but smelling it almost brought tears to my eyes. It was hard to speak. “I came to tell you that I’m not letting you run from me anymore.”
    “Is that what I’ve been doing?”
    “Yes. And I was stupid enough to let you. But not anymore. We belong together, and you know I’m right.”
    “It’s a terrible idea, darling,” he said shakily. “Really. It will never work.”
    “It’s not a terrible idea, and you know it. You’re just being stubborn.”
    “You’ll get tired of me, love, and—”
    “Stop!” I said, and was surprised when he actually fell silent.
    “Ever since we met, we’ve done things your way. I’ve always let you call the shots. But I’m not letting you destroy what we have just because you’re scared.” I felt him start to tremble then, and I wrapped my arms around him. “I—”
    “Don’t say it!”
    “—love you. I want to be with you. I hate being apart. I hate not being able to touch you. I hate wondering where you are and what you’re doing. And more than anything , I hate not knowing when you’ll finally come home.”
    “I don’t like being apart, either,” he said in a shaky whisper, “but I can’t possibly stay in Phoenix, darling. Not all the time.”
    “I know.”
    “What will you do when I leave?”
    “I’ll follow.”
    He was quiet for a moment, but when he spoke again, I could hear hope in his voice. “Anywhere?”
    “ Everywhere .”
    His breath caught, and he tried to pull away from me, but I tightened my grip around him. He stilled again, but he was straining away from me, his breath ragged, and I knew he was trying desperately not to cry in front of me again. “Let me go,” he whispered, but I only held him tighter.
    “Stop fighting it, Cole. Stop fighting me .”
    “I hate for you to see me like this,” he said shakily.
    I put my lips against the birthmark on the back of his neck and felt him shiver. “I don’t mind. You don’t have to hide from me, Cole.
    You don’t have to pretend. I know the part of you that you let the world see, and I know what’s underneath. I know you think you have to keep it hidden, and it only makes me love you more.”
    He went a little bit limp in my arms then, and I felt him trembling. I could feel that wall between us crumbling down as he finally let go and allowed the tears to come.
    “I’m a mess,” he said, halfway joking but halfway not. “I’m demanding and temperamental and I’m terribly high maintenance.”
    I laughed without even meaning to. “Do you honestly think I don’t know all that by now?”
    “Then how could you possibly love me?”
    I held him tighter, kept kissing his neck. “How can I not ?” I asked. It had been so long since I’d been able to touch him. Part of me just wanted to hold him all night. The other part of me wanted only to drag him into the bedroom and tear his clothes off, throw him on the bed and make love to him forever. “Cole,” I whispered, “I can’t live without you.”
    “That’s rather cliché, isn’t it, darling?”
    “That doesn’t make it any less true. I need you.”
    “ Why ?”
    “To make fun of me when I’m being too serious. To remind me that there are more important things in life than climbing the corporate ladder.”
    “I’m quite sure you could manage without me, love,” he said, and
    I was glad to hear the term of endearment, because it meant he was giving in.
    “Who else is going to make sure that I don’t drink Chianti with lobster Alfredo?” I asked, and he laughed. “I love you, and I won’t let you stop me from saying it.”
    It took him a moment and one deep, shaking breath to answer. “I don’t want to stop you,” he said quietly. “Not really.”
    That caused a lump to form in my throat. I held him tighter. I put my lips against that butterfly on the back of his neck and said again, “I love you.”
    And finally, he