Cold Fire

the brink of hysteria.
    He realized they were afraid of him. As far as they knew, he was in league with the men who had abducted them.
    As he propped the shotgun against the built-in dresser, he said, “It's all right. It's over now. I killed them. I killed them both.”
    The mother stared at him wide-eyed, disbelieving.
    He didn't blame her for doubting him. His voice sounded strange: full of fury, cracking on every third or fourth word, tremulous, going from a whisper to a hard bark to a whisper again.
    He looked around for something with which to cut them free. A roll of the strapping tape and a pair of scissors lay on the dresser.
    Grabbing the scissors, he noticed X-rated videotapes also stacked on the dresser. Suddenly he realized that the walls and ceiling of the small room were papered with obscene photographs torn from the pages of sex magazines, and with a jolt he saw it was filth with a twisted difference: child pornography. There were grown men in the photos, their faces always concealed, but there were no grown women, only young girls and boys, most of them as young as Susie, many of them younger, being brutalized in every way imaginable.
    The men he had killed would have used the mother only briefly, would have raped and tortured and broken her only as an example to the child. Then they would have cut her throat or blown her brains out on some desolate dirt road out in the desert, leaving her body for the delectation of lizards and ants and vultures. It was the child they really wanted, and for whom they would have made the next few months or years a living hell.
    His anger metastasized into something beyond mere rage, far beyond wrath. A terrible darkness rose inside of him like black crude oil gushing up from a wellhead.
    He was furious that the child had seen those photographs, had been forced to lie in those stained and foul-smelling bedclothes with unspeakable obscenity on every side of her. He had the crazy urge to pick up the shotgun and empty a few more rounds into each of the dead men.
    They had not touched her. Thank God for that. They hadn't had time to touch her.
    But the room. Oh, Jesus, she had suffered an assault just by being in that room.
    He was shaking.
    He saw that the mother was shaking, too.
    After a moment he realized that her tremors were not of rage, like his, but of fear. Fear of him. She was terrified of him, more so now than when he had come into the room.
    He was glad there was no mirror. He would not have wanted to see his own face. Right now there must be some kind of madness in it.
    He had to get a grip on himself.
    “It's all right,” he assured her again. “I came to help you.”
    Eager to free them, anxious to quiet their terror, he dropped to his knees beside the bed and cut the tape that was wound around the woman's ankles, tore it away. He snipped the tape around her wrists, as well, then left her to finish freeing herself.
    When he cut the bindings from Susie's wrists, she hugged herself defensively. When he freed her ankles, she kicked at him and squirmed away across the gray and mottled sheets. He didn't reach for her, but backed off instead.
    Lisa peeled the tape off her lips and pulled a rag out of her mouth, choking and gagging. She spoke in a raspy voice that was somehow simultaneously frantic and resigned: “My husband, back at the car, my husband!”
    Jim looked at her and said nothing, unable to put such bleak news into words in front of the child.
    The woman saw the truth in his eyes, and for a moment her lovely face was wrenched into a mask of grief and agony. But for the sake of her daughter, she fought down the sob, swallowed it along with her anguish.
    She said only, “Oh, my God,” and each word reverberated with her loss.
    “Can you carry Susie?”
    Her mind was on her dead husband.
    He said, “Can you carry Susie?”
    She blinked in confusion. “How do you know her name?”
    “Your husband told me.”
    “But—”
    “Before,” he said sharply, meaning before he died, not wanting to give false hope. “Can you carry her out of here?”
    “Yeah, I think so, maybe.”
    He could have carried the girl himself, but he didn't believe that he should touch her. Though it was irrational and emotional, he felt that what those two men had done to her—and what they would have done to her, given a chance—was somehow the responsibility of all men, and that at least a small stain of guilt was his as well.
    Right now, the only man in the world