Cold Kiss

nods, and his hair falls into his eyes as he looks at the floor. His feet are bare, long and pale beneath his jeans legs, and they’re so naked, so vulnerable, I melt a little.
    “I worked on the spell all last night and this afternoon. It’s pretty good, I think. I mean, as good as something like this can be, considering what it’s supposed to do. And I have everything I need.”
    He looks up halfway through my impromptu little speech, startled, but by the end he’s nodding along, and it’s not clear even to me who I’m supposed to be reassuring.
    “Explain it to me?”
    So I do, sitting on the sofa facing him, our bent knees touching. It’s good to talk it through one last time, and with every step I can feel how right it is, all the pieces sliding together with a series of neat clicks.
    “Can I tell you to be careful?” he says when I’m done. He bumps his knee against mine. “Or are you going to slug me?”
    I bump back, and smile. “I’m not going to hit you.” I swallow, gathering the right words the way I gathered all the elements for the spell. “But I do want you to know, I’m doing this alone because I have to. I did this … thing. And no one can fix it but me. No one should fix it but me. I have all this power and I have to figure out how to use it. You can’t change that. And you can’t really help me with it, either. And I’m not doing this for you, but … would like to think you’ve got my back, just like Jess and Dar did today.”
    The apartment is silent except for the distant hum of the refrigerator and the soft rush of wheels on the street outside. For a moment, Gabriel is as still as Danny, his gray eyes fixed steadily on my face, unmoving.
    And I want so much to study them, sometime after tonight, to see what they’re like when he’s laughing, or when he’s about to kiss me, or when he’s falling asleep, or reading something he can’t put down. I want to know him the way I knew Danny, inside and out, and it’s scary. No, it’s terrifying, because the last time I let myself do that, I ended up down some rabbit hole where I drank from every bottle and never once thought about the consequences, just so I could cling to something that wasn’t only mine.
    Love is the ultimate two-way street. I’m just a little nervous about getting behind the wheel again.
    “All I want is for you to be okay,” he says finally, and I have to lean forward to catch each word because his voice is pitched so low. “Actually, no, that’s a lie. That’s not all I want. But it’s the first thing. It’s just … I like to fix things. And when you can see inside someone, when you know what they need, it’s hard not to give it to them. Like my mom, when she was dying. All she wanted was for my dad to tell her this one thing, to make this one promise to her.” He pauses to clear his throat, and even though I want more than anything to reach out and take his hand, I just wait for him to finish. I can’t help him with this any more than he can help me with Danny.
    When he opens his mouth again, his voice is even rougher. “And my dad didn’t know that. He never would have thought of it, and she wasn’t going to ask. But I knew. And that meant that I could tell him. And even though he lied to her, she heard him say what she needed him to say before she died.”
    That’s … horrible. Horrible and sad and not something I ever want to happen between me and someone I love. But it’s also not really what’s happening here.
    “I’m so sorry.” I press my knee harder into his, and he gives me a tight smile. “But … if you really looked, and I’m guessing you at least tried, you know that I don’t secretly want you to go all superhero and do my dirty work for me, right?”
    His smile is a little warmer now, but I think it would probably taste bittersweet if I pressed my mouth to his. “Yeah, I do. And I think that’s what’s really tough to swallow. Being helpless sort of sucks, Wren.”
    The surprised snort that escapes makes us both laugh a little. “I get that, believe me.”
    Gabriel glances at his watch. “It’s almost eleven twenty. You should probably start the show, you know?”
    I do. I take a deep breath and get up off the couch, and when I turn around, Olivia is there.
    “I only listened a little.” She shrugs, but then she crosses the room to put her arms around me. “Good luck seems like a crazy thing to say, so I’m just going to say do your thing, kid. I’m