Color Me Pretty

that's progress, right? “Besides, I don't have any money.”
    “Well, I do, and you're going.” Kylie takes out one of the dresses Emmett bought for me and unzips it. I haven't worn any of them since the night at the tree house when Emmett and I accidentally trashed that black gown. It was worth it, but … I've been sticking to stealing Emmett's clothes. Then I don't feel like an ugly girl playing dress up. I just feel like an ugly girl staying to her station.
    Kylie removes the dress, a cold shoulder number with a brown butterfly print. It's by Jean Paul Gaultier, that much I do know. She turns around and hands the outfit to me. I look at it and then up at her. Kylie might be outgoing, but my demons, while subdued, still howl loudly enough for me to hear.
    “I don't deserve this dress,” I tell her which brings us full circle back to the source of all this pain. I don't feel that I deserve happiness, so I starve myself in the false pursuit of it, a pursuit that I know I will never complete. Kylie doesn't feel she deserves happiness either, and so she feels the world would be best without her in it. Ted has no idea what happiness even is, so he hurts others, denies them the one thing he can't have. It's such a fucked up cycle. And it all comes back to punishment. I'm punishing myself again.
    “Claire,” Kylie tells me and it's only then that I notice the scar across her throat. It's not so visible now, but I imagine that when she made the cut, it was pretty horrendous. I can't even believe she survived. “Yes, you do. You know that, and I know that, and this guy, the one that says he loves you, he knows that, too. Put the dress on and slick your hair forward. Put on some makeup and let's go. You know you want to.”
    And I do. I really do. I open my mouth to protest again, but the words won't come out.
    I head into the bathroom, change, and soon find myself in the passenger seat of Kylie's SUV.
    “Tell me one thing you like about being anorexic.” I turn to stare at her like she's completely lost her marbles.
    “What?”
    “Tell me. Just one thing.” Kylie glances over at me, accelerating beyond a normal speed and taking the SUV around turns that would topple my Fiesta, let alone this massive boat of a vehicle. My stomach lurches. I haven't eaten today, not surprising. I don't usually eat unless Emmett is there to bear witness. I don't trust myself. Not anymore.
    “I guess I miss the exercise,” I tell her with a shrug. I really do miss going for runs in the morning. I wonder if I should start up again. “But don't ask for a second thing because there really isn't one.”
    “Then what's your least favorite thing?” she asks me next. I watch the exit signs fly by and wonder where it is that we're going. It kind of looks like we're heading towards the mall.
    “Seeing the fear on everybody else's face.” I don't elaborate because I shouldn't have to. There's nothing more to it than that. I wish I could snap my fingers and change everything, cure myself of my afflictions with a magic spell. But that's not how any of it works – not anorexia, not bulimia, not self-harm, not depression. I look down at my skin and realize that I haven't had another thought about putting a blade to my flesh, not even once. Something about the rebirth brought my emotions roaring back. Despite everything, I smile.
    “I wish you could've meet Madelyn,” Kylie tells me as we take the next exit. Yep, we're definitely heading to the mall. Feels like I haven't been there in forever. “I think you could've helped her out.”
    “Me?”
    “Yeah, I think you have the power to change. Maybe some of that would've rubbed off on her? Madelyn was weak, really weak.” Kylie shrugs her shoulders like she doesn't care, although it is pretty obvious that she does.
    When we pull into the parking lot, I step out of the car and pause, feeling the wind and the sun on my skin, wondering who's staring and why. My eyes scan the crowds, the people with shopping bags, the families dragging their children, and I realize suddenly that nobody is looking at me. Not a single gaze flickers my way. My lips turn up in a grin, and when Kylie offers her hand, I take it. It's never felt so fucking good to go to the damn mall.
    Inside, I drag Kylie over to the Super Smoothie and the boy slinging drinks like he's in a saloon and not behind the counter of a franchise.
    Emmett makes the crowd smile, makes their wait a little more bearable. It's such a