Cooked Goose

her way through the living room, past the sleeping children, and up the stairs to the bathroom.
    She knocked softly on the door. “Vi, is that you, honey?” she asked.
    After a few moments of rustling sounds, the door opened and a very tired looking Vidalia stuck her nose out. “It’s me.“
    “You keep getting up. Is everything okay?”
    “No. That’s why I keep getting up.”
    “What’s wrong? As Gran would say, ‘A case of the green apple quick step’?”
    Vidalia sighed and sagged against the door frame. “No, I wish I did have diarrhea. I’ve never been so constipated in my life.”
    “That’s pretty common with pregnancy, isn’t it?”
    “But not this bad. I feel all shivery and sick, and it’s coming in waves. I... oh... here it comes again.”
    She closed the door, leaving Savannah standing there with a feeling that a drama of a different kind might be starting.
    Savannah opened the door to see her sister sitting on the pot, her face red from straining. In a family of nine kids, modesty and privacy had been abandoned long ago. “Vi, how long has this been going on?”
    “For the last four hours, I guess. Why?”
    “Did you say it’s coming in waves?”
    “Yeah.”
    “And you’re feeling the urge to push?”
    “Well, sure. I told you, I’ve never been so cons-...”
    Vidalia looked up at Savannah , comprehension dawning on her face. “Oh, no. You don’t think it’s labor, do you? The baby ain’t supposed to come for another six weeks or so.”
    “Are you sure about your due date?”
    “Not real sure. I wasn’t keepin’ track of my periods, so we don’t know exactly when I got pregnant. The doctor was guessin’. I... oh... here it comes again.”
    Savannah did a quick mental count. “Those were only about two minutes apart.”
    “Do you think I might be in labor?”
    Savannah wasn’t sure how to break it to her, other than bluntly. “Kiddo, I think your baby’s about to be born. Come , on, let’s get you back to bed, and I’ll call the hospital.”
    Supporting her under the arms, Savannah helped her sister down the hall to the guest bedroom. “Butch!” she called “Butch, wake up! We need you here.”
    When she flipped on the light, her brother-in-law sat up in bed and looked around him, completely disoriented. “What? Vi, what’s the matter?” he said when his wife waddled to the opposite side of the bed and collapsed on it.
    “We think the baby’s coming,” Savannah said. “Call 911 II and tell them to send an ambulance.”
    He still looked dazed.
    “Now!” she yelled.
    He bolted out of bed, as naked as a jaybird and headed for the door.
    “Butch! You might want to put some jeans on that scrawny butt of yours first, if you don’t want to frighten the rest of the household,” she suggested.
    “Oh, yeah... okay.” He scrambled into his pants, then flew out the door.
    Savannah wondered if he was too scattered to find the phone, but she had more immediate concerns. She turned her attention to Vidalia. “Make yourself as comfortable as you can, and I’ll be right back.”
    She ran to the bathroom and washed her hands thoroughly, then rushed back to her bedside. “Let’s see what we’ve got going down there, sugar,” she said as she pulled up her sister’s nightgown.
    “O-o-o-kay, that’s what I thought.”
    “What is it?” Vidalia asked, her breathing hard and ragged. “It’s either a bowling ball, a purple watermelon, or a baby’s head, right there.”
    “Oh no! Can we wait until the ambulance gets here?“
    “We could, but I think the baby’s got other plans. It’s crowning right now, Vi.”
    “What are we going to do?”
    “I’m going to deliver it. We’re certainly not going to try to send it back to where it came from.”
    “Have you done that before? Have you delivered babies?“
    “Lots. No sweat.”
    Savannah could almost feel her nose growing and her tongue turning black. It would probably fall out of her mouth any moment. At least, that’s what Gran had always told her would happen if you told a whopper.
    But she’d watched Dirk deliver a baby once about five years ago... so, it wasn’t that big a lie, right? She gave her labored sister a nervous grin. “Constipated, huh?”
    “Hey, I didn’t know. It doesn’t hurt so bad this time, not like it did with the twins.” She screwed up her face and began straining again. “Or maybe it does,” she added between pants.
    Butch came stumbling back into the room,