Corpse Suzette

run-of-the-mill, local bank. They report
deposits of over ten thousand dollars to the 1RS.”
    “If they want to do some
helpful research,” Abigail continued from the sofa, “how about some studies on
how many people have ruined their health by buying all those stupid products
and starving themselves?”
    “But I can’t imagine Sergio
travelling to Switzerland with that kind of cash,” Savannah mused. “With
airline security as tight as it is today, they’d have a lot of questions if
your suitcases were stuffed with that kind of money.”
    “He wouldn’t have to go all
the way to Switzerland,” Tammy said. “I know there are banks like that in the
Cayman Islands in the Caribbean.”
    “Did you know,” Abigail
persisted, in spite of having no audience, “that the average dieting woman in
America consumes fewer calories a day than one who’s literally starving to
death in a famine-plagued, third-world country?”
    “But even the Cayman
Islands would present the same problem,” Savannah told her. “You’d have to go
through customs, and you can’t stuff a mil and a half in your shorts.”
    “Let me go online here,”
Tammy said. “And I’ll see if I can find any other banks with anonymous
accounts. Maybe there’s one closer to home.”
    “And all this crap about
eating right and exercising to keep the weight off.” Abby shook her head. “Do
you know that a person has to walk thirty-five miles to work off one pound of
fat! Thirty-five miles! One pound! And yet our society just assumes that if
you’re heavy, you’re lazy. The big people I know work a lot harder at
exercising than the skinny ones I know. You have to exercise if you’re heavy,
if for no other reason, just to keep your self-righteous, buttinsky friends off
your back.”
    “You get on that anonymous
bank angle, Tam,” Savannah said. “That sounds promising.”
    “And,” Abigail continued,
“I hate how they just assume that if you’re thin, you’re physically fit. I
can’t even tell you how many women keep their weight down by smoking, purging,
or taking uppers. And the minute they quit, here come the pounds, stacking on,
so they go back to smoking, taking laxatives, and barfing. Tell me how healthy that is! And yet, they’re the first ones in line to tell their bigger friends how
they need to lose weight for health reasons. It’s not a matter of
vanity, on no, it’s for health ! Health, my ass. It’s a way for them to
make other people feel inferior, that’s all.”
    Savannah could see Tammy
sinking lower and lower in her chair, and she wondered how she must be feeling.
Abigail’s words must sting a bit, since Tammy was apparently a slender “them”
on her cousin’s list of offenders.
    Savannah turned to Abby and
with the softest tone she could muster, she said, “I hear you, Abby. And I even
agree with a lot of what you’re saying. But there just have to be a few
slender people in this world who actually stay that way by eating right and
being active, who don’t smoke, purge, or take drugs.”
    Abigail scowled. “Well,
maybe a few, but...”
    “And some of them may
actually mean well when they express concern for their loved ones’ health. They
might be worried about diabetes—”
    “My blood sugar is
perfectly normal.”
    “And high cholesterol—”
    “180.”
    “Heart disease—”
    “Had a stress test two
months ago. Just fine.”
    “Blood pressure and—”
    “Low, unless I’m getting
pissed off, arguing with somebody about my health and my weight,
which is my business!”
    Savannah took a long deep
breath, then said, “You’re absolutely right, Abby. All of that is your own
business, and it sounds to me like you’re healthy as a hor—I mean, as healthy
as anyone could hope to be. God bless you, darlin’.” She turned to Tammy. “You
ladies excuse me for a minute. I’m going to call Dirk and see if he’s heard
anything from—”
    The phone in the kitchen
rang.
    “That’s probably him now,”
she said. “Hopefully we’ll have some word from Dr. Liu’s office.”
    She looked at the caller
identification and picked up the phone. “Hi, turkey butt,” she said. “What’s
the word?”
    “Turkey butt?” Dirk sounded
only slightly offended. She had called him worse. Much worse. “Do you answer
the phone that way when Ryan and John call you?”
    “Of course not. Ryan and
John bring me lavender roses. They take me to the finest French restaurants.
They tango with me