Creature Discomforts

Not that we want to interfere with freedom of expression.”
    “Of course not,” I said.
    “Advocating violence,” Effie informed me, “is, uh, incompatible with the goals of the Beamon Reservation.”
    “And impolitic,” Quint added.
    After issuing a vague promise to see whether I could do something about whatever was upsetting Quint and Effie, I continued my interrupted drive to the guest cottage.
    Parked next to it I found a white Chevy van with a bumper sticker that proclaimed, KEEP MAINE GREEN, SHOOT A DEVELOPER! Pacing slowly near the trees at the edge of the lawn, as if preparing to browse on the vegetation, was a human moose.
     

Chapter Twenty
     
    WELL, WELL, WELL !” bellowed my father. “How’s my girl?”
    Kimi, memory intact, knew instantly which girl he meant. She gave him the reply he wanted. “Ah-woooo-wooooo! “
    My father then addressed Rowdy, who was already wooing an almost uncontrollably enthusiastic greeting. “And how’s my boy?” Buck demanded. “Hey, big fellow! How’s my boy?”
    Raising his arms to simulate a rack of antlers, he easily persuaded both dogs to leap up and rest their forepaws on his massive shoulders. With no visible encouragement, they scoured his grinning face with their big pink tongues.
    I might as well not have been there. Assuming—falsely, if naturally—that my father’s preoccupation with the dogs was temporary, I took advantage of what I imagined to be a brief opportunity to study him while his mind was elsewhere. Having since come to my senses, I now recognize elsewhere as the permanent residential address of Buck’s mind. What I observed then, however, in addition to his obvious wackiness about dogs and his striking resemblance to a moose, was... But perhaps I am taking a knowledge of moose for granted. Anyone who knows anything about moose will tell you that moose are always bigger than you expect them to be. Like camels and giraffes, they are improbable, ungainly, and fascinating, as if they didn’t turn out quite as the Creator intended, but got kept anyway for reasons no one has been able to fathom. In other words, although the recent crash of my biological hard drive had impaired my ability to expect anything terribly specific, my father was, paradoxically, bigger than I expected, with craggy features, an oversized head, and thick, dark hair. In fairness to moose, I should add that in their own way, they are quite handsome, as was Buck, whose face radiated boyish joy at the pleasure of fooling around with my beautiful dogs.
    “Looking good! Looking good, there!” His voice was deep and smooth, with a hint of a roar. He did not, of course, refer to me.
    “Thank you,” I said. With irony? Not at all! Given a choice of looking good myself or having my dogs look good, I’d go for the dogs any day. “You’re looking good yourself.” I really was glad to see him. He was, after all, my father, as well as a person with dogs on the brain, therefore someone in this untrustworthy new world of mine whom I plainly could trust. What’s more, my remark was perfectly ordinary; people go around saying it all the time without regard to its truth, falsehood, or immediate relevance. In other words, especially since I had no recollection of how Buck usually looked and consequently no standard of comparison, I was not actually complimenting him on his appearance. For all I knew, he’d aged ten years since our last meeting. For all I knew, he always dressed entirely in brand-new clothes.
    “Off,” he told the dogs, who obediently returned to the ground. “Drove to Freeport this morning,” he confided. He looked abashed. “Took a little detour. I was going to stop at the outlet in Ellsworth, but I didn’t want to take a chance of not finding the right kind of thing.” With an apologetic glance at Rowdy and Kimi, he brushed dog hair off his medium-brown jacket, which coordinated pleasantly with his plaid shirt and khaki pants. The gesture was awkward, as if he were performing it for the first time. “Not that Gabrielle cares,” he said defensively. “But she’s a class act. It wouldn’t be right to disgrace her.” He added proudly, surveying his finery, “Head to foot.” With that, he raised what I guessed was a size 13 foot to display a shiny hiking boot in brown leather. “Kicking up my heels lately,” he explained.
    “So I understand,” I said with a smile.
    Can moose blush? Yes. This one regarded me through narrowed eyes. “Met