Cut and Run 1 - Cut and Run

figured he wouldn't last long enough for it to be a problem. Body shaking, he leaned against the wall, fighting for control.
    Not much more was said between the two of them until they were at the airport waiting for the commercial flight Ty had hastily booked. They sat in the lounge area of the airport bar and watched CNN, Ty rapping his fingers on the table impatiently.
    Zane had been shaky and distracted all morning, nervous and tense as he waited for the other shoe to drop. He was just as twitchy from coming off the drugs as wondering what Ty might do about it. He knew there was nothing he could do to change Ty's opinion about them, and that was what still bothered him; that he'd damaged Ty's opinion of him . For Ty's part, he hadn't even alluded to the pills Zane had handed over.
    Finally, after half an hour of delay and being too restless to keep quiet any longer, Ty looked from the television mounted in the corner of the bar to Zane and tilted his head. “Got any preferences as to where we stay in the city?” he asked flatly.
    Zane blinked, pulled out of his thoughts. He glanced to Ty and shrugged. “Somewhere ... unpredictable. Queens, maybe,” he mused. “Or Chinatown."
    Ty nodded and sipped at his orange juice. “Good idea,” he responded, unable to think of anything further to say to the man.
    When Ty went quiet again, Zane fell back into thought, trying to focus on his memories about the case, pushing aside his worries. He wasn't having much success, though, especially with the seeming party in the bar across the room. He winced when a raucous group clanged bottles together. God, he didn't want to be here. He wanted to be back at Ty's apartment, curled up and warm like early this morning.
    Ty sat and watched without emotion. He sighed and looked down at his watch, knee bouncing restlessly. “You can still step away from this case,” he said to Zane softly.
    Zane raised his eyes to meet Ty's. “The case isn't the problem. I'm the problem,” he murmured, shifting to set his elbows on his knees.
    "You're my problem,” Ty reminded.
    " Your problem?” Zane asked, frowning a little.
    "If you can't get your shit together, then you're my problem,” Ty clarified. “We established before this isn't a job that can be done alone."
    Zane's face went still and he sat up, averting his eyes toward the windows. “I'll have it together,” he said gruffly. It wouldn't be pretty inside, but he'd deal with that when he came to it.
    "What are you so afraid of?” Ty asked suddenly.
    Dark eyes going bleak, Zane didn't know if he could explain the answer to himself, much less to Ty. “I.... “He pressed his lips together and tried humor. “Afraid of embarrassing myself?"
    "I don't buy that,” Ty replied after a moment of thought. He cocked his head and looked Zane over carefully. “What is it? Dying? Being alone? Dying alone?” he ventured sarcastically. “At least those are legitimate things to be afraid of,” he added before Zane could answer.
    "I'm not afraid of dying,” Zane murmured. It was the complete opposite, actually. He was afraid that it would be someone else doing the dying. Wasn't that just all sticky and sentimental, he thought darkly, sending his mood even further down.
    "Come on, Garrett,” Ty murmured as he leaned closer. “If we can fuck each other senseless, we can be honest with each other."
    Zane's eyes shifted sideways to meet Ty's and they shifted away just as quickly. When he spoke, it was a bare whisper. “You remember when I said I didn't give a shit about anybody for five years? And how that had changed?"
    "Yeah?” Ty answered questioningly. At the time, he had thought Zane had been referring to the wife he'd lost, but now in this new context he had a sinking feeling that he had been wrong.
    A sad smile twisted Zane's lips. “Becky was killed five years ago,” he mentioned, seemingly offhand.
    "That was your wife,” Ty said carefully, getting a little more confused.
    "Yes. I never thought I'd care about anyone after her,” Zane answered quietly. “We'd been married almost ten years. It was like half of me was suddenly gone. I can't explain it any other way."
    Ty nodded slowly, sliding his plastic bottle top on the table restlessly. “Go on,” he invited.
    Christ. Zane felt like an idiot. “I didn't care about anybody, even myself. And when I did.... “Zane's jaw clenched, and he kept his eyes focused on the window. Anything but on the man sitting across from him.