Cutler 01 - Dawn

end and I will wake up in my bed back at our apartment. Momma won't be dead, and we will all be together again. I'll hear Fern squirming in her crib, and I'll get up and make sure she's warm and comfortable. Maybe I'll peek out at Jimmy and see his head silhouetted in the darkness as he sleeps soundly on the pull-out. I'll just count to ten slowly, I told myself, and when I open my eyes . . . one . . . two . . .
    "Dawn."
    "Three . . . four . . . five . . ."
    "Dawn, open your eyes and look at me."
    "Six . . . seven . . ."
    "I'm supposed to prepare you for your return to your real family now. We are going to leave the station shortly and . . ."
    "Eight . . . nine . . ."
    "Get into a police car."
    "Ten!"
    I opened my eyes, and the unobstructed harsh light burned away all hope, all dreams, all prayers. Reality came thundering down over me.
    "No! Daddy!" I screamed. I stood up.
    "Dawn, sit down."
    "I want Daddy! I want to see Daddy!"
    "Sit down this moment."
    "Daddy!" I screamed again. She had her arms around me, holding my arms down at my sides and forcing me back into the chair.
    "If you don't stop this, I'll have a straitjacket put on you and deliver you that way, do you hear?" she threatened.
    The door opened and two police officers stepped in.
    "Need any help?" one asked. I gazed up at them, my eyes on fire with the terror and the anger and the frustration. The younger officer looked sympathetic. He had blond hair and blue eyes and reminded me of Philip.
    "Hey," he said. "Take it easy, honey."
    "I've got this under control," Officer Carter replied. She didn't ease her embrace, but I let my arms relax.
    "Yeah, you look like you're doing a terrific job," the younger policeman said.
    She released me and stood up.
    "You want to do this, Dickens?" she asked the young policeman.
    I caught my breath and subdued my sobs, my shoulders heaving as I gasped for air. The young policeman looked down at me with his soft blue eyes.
    "It's a raw deal for a kid this age. She's about my sister's age," he said.
    "Oh, boy," Officer Carter said. "A social worker in disguise."
    "We'll be right outside when you're ready," Patrolman Dickens said, and they left the room.
    "I told you," Officer Carter said, "that if you aren't cooperative, you will just prolong the difficulties, especially for your stepbrother and stepsister. Now, are you going to behave, or do I have to leave you in here for a few hours thinking about it?"
    "I want to go home," I moaned.
    "You are going home, to your real home and your real parents."
    I shook my head.
    "I need to do that footprint now," she said. "Take off your shoes and socks."
    I sat back in my chair and closed my eyes. "Damn," I heard her say and a moment later felt her taking off my shoes. I didn't resist, nor did I open my eyes. I was determined to keep them closed until all this had ended.
    Some time later, when it was all over, the two policemen who had been waiting outside returned and stood by as Officer Carter completed her report. She looked up from her notepad.
    "The captain wants us to get started," Patrolman Dickens announced.
    "Terrific," Officer Carter said. "You want to go to the bathroom, Dawn? This is the time."
    "Where are we going?" I asked, my voice seemingly drifting away from me. I felt as if I were floating. I was in a daze, time and place were lost. I had even forgotten my name.
    "You're going home, to your real family," she replied.
    "Come on, honey," Patrolman Dickens said, taking my arm gently and helping me to my feet. "Go on. Use the bathroom and wash your face. You have funny little streaks across your cheeks from crying, and I know once you wash them off, you'll feel better."
    I looked at his warm smile and kind eyes. Where was Daddy? Where was Jimmy? I wanted to hold Fern in my arms and kiss her soft, pudgy cheeks until they were red. I would never complain about her whining and crying again. In fact, I wanted to hear her whine. I wanted to hear her chanting: "Dawn, up. Dawn, up," and see her reaching for me.
    "This way, honey," the patrolman said. He directed me toward the bathroom. I washed my face. The cold water on my cheeks did restore some of my energy and awareness. After I had used the bathroom, I came out and looked at the policemen expectantly.
    Suddenly another door across the hall opened, and I saw Daddy sitting in a chair, his head down to his chest.
    "Daddy!" I screamed and ran toward the opened door. Daddy lifted his head and gazed out at me, his eyes vacant.