Cyberpunk

recommend it. So don’t expect me to stand around and clap while you throw away something I’ve always wanted.” She spun away from me, and I lost her in the darkness. I wanted to catch up with her, but I knew I had to do Mom now or I would lose my nerve.
    As I was fumbling my way upstairs, I heard stragglers coming down. “On your right,” I called. Bodies nudged by me.
    “Mr. Boy, is that you?” I recognized Stennie’s voice.
    “He’s gone,” I said.
    Seven flights up, the lights were on. Nanny waited on the landing outside my rooms, her umbilical stretched nearly to its limit. She was the only remote that was physically able to get to my floor, and this was as close as she could come.
    It had been a while since I had seen her; Mom did not use her much anymore and I rarely visited, even though the nursery was only one flight down. But this was the remote who used to pick me up when I cried and who had changed my diapers and who taught me how to turn on my roombrain. She had skin so pale you could almost see veins and long black hair piled high on her head. I never thought of her as having a body because she always wore dark turtlenecks and long woolen skirts and silky pantyhose. Nanny was a smile and warm hands and the smell of fresh pillowcases. Once upon a time, I thought her the most beautiful creature in the world. Back then I would have done anything she said.
    She was not smiling now. “I don’t know how you expect me to trust you anymore, Peter.” Nanny had never been a very good scold. “Those brats were out of control. I can’t let you put me in danger this way.”
    “If you wanted someone to trust, maybe you shouldn’t have had me stunted. You got exactly what you ordered, the never-ending kid. Well, kids don’t have to be responsible.”
    “What do you mean, what I ordered? It’s what you wanted, too.”
    “Is it? Did you ever ask? I was only ten, the first time, too young to know better. For a long time I did it to please you. Getting stunted was the only thing I did that seemed important to you. But you never explained. You never sat me down and said, ‘This is the life you’ll have and this is what you’ll miss and this is how you’ll feel about it.’”
    “You want to grow up, is that it?” She was trying to threaten me. “You want to work and worry and get old and die someday?” She had no idea what we were talking about.
    “I can’t live this way anymore, Nanny.”
    At first she acted stunned, as if I had spoken in Albanian. Then her expression hardened when she realized she had lost her hold on me. She was ugly when she was angry. “They put you up to this.” Her gaze narrowed in accusation. “That little black cush you’ve been seeing. Those realists!”
    I had always managed to hide my anger from Mom. Right up until then. “How do you know about her?” I had never told her about Tree.
    “Peter, they live in a mall!”
    Comrade was right. “You’ve been spying on me.” When she did not deny it, I went berserk. “You liar.” I slammed my fist into her belly. “You said you wouldn’t watch.” She staggered and fell onto her umbilical, crimping it. As she twitched on the floor, I pounced. “You promised.” I slapped her face. “Promised.” I hit her again. Her hair had come undone and her eyes rolled back in their sockets and her face was slack. She made no effort to protect herself. Mom was retreating from this remote too, but I was not going to let her get away.
    “Mom!” I rolled off Nanny. “I’m coming up, Mom! You hear? Get ready.” I was crying; it had been a long time since I had cried. Not something Mr. Boy did.
    I scrambled up to the long landing at the shoulders. At one end another circular stairway wound up into the torch; in the middle, four steps led into the neck. It was the only doorbone I had never seen open; I had no idea how to get through.
    “Mom, I’m here.” I pounded. “Mom! You hear me?”
    Silence.
    “Let me in, Mom.” I smashed myself against the doorbone. Pain branched through my shoulder like lightning, but it felt great because Mom shuddered from the impact. I backed up and, in a frenzy, hurled myself again. Something warm dripped on my cheek. She was bleeding from the hinges. I aimed a vicious kick at the doorbone, and it banged open. I went through.
    For years I had imagined that if only I could get into the head I could meet my real mother. Touch her. I had always wondered what she looked like; she got