Do You Remember the First Time?

It’s true, my skin, where it wasn’t breaking out, had a definite bloom on it. But I also looked less like myself. You couldn’t really tell from my appearance what I was like. A blank slate, of course. My face hadn’t quite settled.
    ‘You know, I’ve been eating nothing but bloody steamed fish for six months and I still look nothing like you.’
    ‘You look great,’ I said, with the reflex action you have with your best friends.
    ‘So I bloody should,’ she said dreamily. ‘How do I look on the day?’
    ‘Oh, one must not know one’s own future,’ I said. ‘It is forbidden.’
    ‘Is Max’s speech funny?’
    ‘Yes,’ I lied. ‘Um, how is Max?’
    ‘Well,’ she looked worried suddenly, ‘I said, “You’ll never believe what’s happened to Flo.”’
    ‘Uh-huh?’
    She concentrated on the road ahead. ‘Well …’ she said.
    ‘ What? ’
    ‘Here’s the thing, Flo. He’s never heard of you.’
    ‘He’s never what?’
    ‘He had no idea who I was talking about.’
    The terrible crushing fear came back.
    ‘Oh God,’ I said. ‘Oh God, I don’t exist. In this world, or the old world, or the … what the fuck is going on? Who am I? I don’t … how will I be able to do anything or get back or … I’m no one!’ I started to hyperventilate.
    She clutched my arm. ‘You do.’
    ‘But … not for Max, not for bloody old Karl Dean, not for Miss Syzlack, even though … I mean, she knows someone else altogether.’
    ‘I’m sure there’s a rational explanation.’
    ‘LOOK at me!’
    ‘OK maybe not rational exactly.’
    I gulped suddenly. ‘Oh my God, what about Olly?’
    ‘I wondered when you were going to mention him,’ said Tash quietly. ‘He must be worried sick.’
    ‘Well, where are we going now?’
    ‘You’ll see.’
    ‘You’ve invented a person-ageing machine?’
    ‘Yes, I call it “management accounting exams”.’
    ‘Ha-ha.’
    We parked near the centre of town and walked up across Piccadilly, down the steps and over to beautiful St James’s Park. It was a lovely autumn morning, not wet, just a faint mist rising off the lake and through the trees. Apart from the usual complement of manic joggers, there weren’t many people around at all.
    ‘Let’s go feed the ducks,’ said Tashy meaningfully, taking some bread out of her pockets.
    ‘I’m sixteen, not six.’
    ‘Come on.’
    ‘You’ve set me up for MI6,’ I said, suddenly panicking. ‘You’re going to sell me to the military, aren’t you, so they can run all sorts of tests on me and work out how to use me as a weapon?’
    ‘Yes, that’s what friends do,’ said Tash snidely.
    ‘We’re near Whitehall! Experiments! Don’t do it, Tash. What if I get kidnapped by a cosmetics company?’
    ‘Ssh. Ssh. Stop being paranoid,’ said Tash, indicating a tall figure walking towards us through the trees.
    ‘I have every fucking right to be paranoid.’
    ‘It must be your hormones.’
    ‘Hormones they’re going to extract with an enormous probe! Oh shit.’
    The figure resolved itself through the trees. It was Olly.
    He stopped dead still about six feet away from us.
    ‘Jesus God,’ he said, staring at me.
    ‘He knows me!’ I exclaimed. Why some people did and some people didn’t, I hadn’t the faintest idea. I hadn’t realised the extent of my terror until then, and it had left me weak with relief and gratitude. ‘You know me!’
    Tash had already gone to meet him and was holding his arm.
    ‘Sorry,’ said Tashy. ‘I didn’t quite know how to explain it over the phone.’
    ‘Clearly.’ Olly sounded hoarse. ‘What … WHAT? ’ His head hit his hands. ‘I don’t get it. What?’
    I stared at him. He looked tired and – God, I admit it – after staring at myself in the mirror far too much over the last two days, I thought he looked old. He looked like my dad.
    ‘He remembered you all right,’ said Tashy to me, to cover the silence. Olly was shaking. ‘Apparently your phone’s been out of commission.’
    ‘Yeah, in the netherworld,’ I said.
    ‘From Tashy’s voice I thought you were pregnant,’ said Olly incredulously, his voice cracking. ‘Or you’d had a really traumatic haircut. What happened to you?’ He came forward and stood in front of me. I looked into his eyes. He shook his head. ‘Look at you,’ he said quietly. Then he put out hishand and touched me in a curious prodding motion, as if I was a specimen in a laboratory.
    ‘Well …’ I began. Then I told him