Doctor at Sea

to do about it?’
    ‘I should go and see a doctor.’
    She laughed playfully. ’Gee, you’re funny! You’re the nicest doctor I’ve ever met.’
    ‘Thank you. Down the hatch, now.’
    We drank our Fire Alarms, and the band began to play again.
    ‘Let’s dance,’ she said to Trail.
    ‘Not for a minute,’ he said. ‘Let me show you the steering gear.’
    ‘What on earth should I want to see the steering gear for?’
    ‘It looks most attractive in the moonlight,’ I added encouragingly. ’Not many people are privileged to see it. Only Mr Trail and the Captain have the key.’
    ‘C’mon,’ Trail said. He gave her a look that would have terrified the heart out of any girl in England and strode off purposefully with her, hand in hand, towards the steel nooks and shadows of the stern. I moved to the rail, leant over the strip of dirty, oil-coated water between the Lotus and the quay, and exchanged glances with the two sour Argentine policemen standing at the foot of the gangway. The night was hot, and the awnings prevented ventilation. Shortly the ship’s officers unhooked their high collars and wiped their foreheads with coloured handkerchiefs, and sweat began to run down the faces of the guests.
    No one bothered me, so I sipped my way through my drink and thought guiltily about England. I was interrupted by ’A hundred pipers an’ a” from the corner where the band had been playing. It was almost eleven-thirty and the engine-room had by then taken over the party for themselves. The engineers were lolling round the piano with an air of genial possessiveness towards everything they could see, and McDougall was stripped to the waist, his dragon, hearts, and sailing ship glistening among the grey tufts of hair that sprouted from his thorax and shoulders like bracken on a Highland hillside. Singing with them was Captain Hogg, drunk to the point of harmlessness, and the Montmorencys. The music was provided by Easter, who was playing the piano in the style of Chico Marx.
    With a flourish Easter finished his piece, rose to his feet, and announced solemnly,’ Ladies and Gentlemen, for my next number tonight I shall give you my rendering of the famous old English ballad “The Lily of Laguna”. Jolly good luck to you, gentlemen, jolly good luck!’ he sat down heavily and began the tune, to which most of the audience sang the words of’ Annie Laurie’. McDougall then shouted it was midnight by ship’s time as the clocks were to be advanced half an hour, and broke into Auld Lang Syne. This was taken up by the company, and I was swept into a chain of crossed hands. McDougall sang with his eyes tightly shut, swaying between a pair of other Scots; suddenly he stopped, shouted’ Kiss all the lasses!’ and dived towards Mrs Montmorency. He grasped her in his moist naked arms and kissed her hotly until he was elbowed out of the way by Macpherson, McPhail, and Macintosh. These were followed by Captain Hogg, Easter, Whimble, one of the Argentine policemen from the dock, the Quartermaster, Hornbeam, and myself. Then everyone sang Auld Lang Syne all over again.
    At the end of the verse Captain Hogg shouted’ Eight bells! Quartermaster, ring eight bells! Midnight, ship’s time!’ Mrs Montmorency instantly threw her arms open, and was kissed by McDougall, Macpherson, Captain Hogg, McDougall again, myself, Easter, Hornbeam, McDougall once again, Macpherson, McPhail, and McDougall. She appeared to enjoy these unstinted tributes thoroughly, though Mr Montmorency, who stood fidgeting beside her, was moved during her fourth embrace with McDougall, to murmur nervously, ’Steady on Maria! I say, steady on, old girl!’ We sang Auld Lang Syne and kissed Maria Montmorency several times, as a member of the circle recalled that it was midnight in Greenwich, Glasgow, Greenock, or some other point of overwhelming importance to himself. Finally her husband grabbed her by the arm and led her to the gangway while everyone cheered and Easter played’ Sons of the Brave’.
    The engineers and Hornbeam then decided to visit the Taxi-Dance on the other side of the dock.
    ‘Come on, Doc,’ Hornbeam urged. ’It’s only over the ferry. We can get there in ten minutes.’
    ‘I thought you hadn’t any money?’
    ‘I flogged some whisky to the policeman. It’s a cheap joint - the girls will darn your socks as well for twenty pesos.’
    I shook my head. ’No thanks. I’ve got into enough trouble in B.A. already. Besides, I’m