Dr Jew

your body in becoming his primary – we hope, hahahaha – orifice and dumping ground for those love samples and serums that one day may lead to a little chimplet to mewl and crawl among the ruins. Yes strike once again that word from the record and call your playmate a different name. Will boyfriend do? May we use that word?"
    "Boyfriend?" she said.
    "As I have said," he said.
    "I don 't have a boyfriend either. I –"
    "Very well, hahaha," said Dr. Jew. "I said boyfriend to protect dignity and device when clearly you insist on throwing yourself to some man who has no mind or intention of keeping you in any capacity, your bedfellow with cane and whip – no, I don't ask his name, address, or other reference, let him stand as an invisible rascal who I won't sleuth about to secure the details of, let it be, let it be, as Jimi Hendrix – a cultural icon from the older generation – put it before a sniper deftly assassinated him for no other reason that being young but such are the wages of death this lonely hangman, hahahaha, forgive me and my poetic leanings, yes, me, a bit of a poet I must confess but I won't show you any of my writings – scribblings really, unless you absolutely adamantly insist upon it, truly. But returning to your caper and bodily disturbance, yes, I must insist again whether the seed has been sampled, has the gentleman – and I use the term only out of politeness – has he been tested for structural damage and unsavory thickness in the ebullient mustard that is his semenal sauce? How is his sperm?"
    "Who?" she said.
    "Female!" said Dr. Jew. "The man you've been sleeping with. And by sleeping I mean not literally although that may be contained in the bargain thereof, legally binding in bodily misadventure or simply implied as is most often the case? You are sleeping with a man, yes?"
    "No," she said.
    "No?" he said.
    "No."
    "No." He was silent for perhaps years. "Well," he said, "this certainly sheds new light on the matter. You are trying to have a child though? I do understand that fact correctly?"
    "Yes," she said.
    "And have you ever had sexual engagement with another male of the species?"
    "Sex? Oh no. My parents would never allow that."
    "And how were you planning to be delivered into the pregnant arrangement?"
    "You know, Doctor. The usual way. By trying. I pray every night. I really wish it."
    Dr . Jew coughed. He looked into her. His eyes twinkled. He vanished silently from the room and for several minutes she waited. She heard the sound of a printer in the next room then the doctor returned with a pamphlet that he gave to her. "Here," he said. "All this time we've been here I've been examining you with special new experimental equipment that I am not at liberty to discuss but believe me in all confidence – I am a doctor – that in my examination I've uncovered some unfortunate information. Please sit down."
    "I am sitting down," she said.
    "Of course you are, just a matter of expression, ha ha ha, now, what I have to tell you is no laughing matter for it concerns your health which is serious business for if you have not enough health you may have a little death and I don't mean in the French way but in the dead way – I knew him Horatio, et cetera – and that goes a long way, so let us be serious for a moment. You have no doubt heard of swine flu the mysterious which devastated one world already and now promises to conquer another – I don't mean that it has spoken or issued threats but that things are afoot which may affect us all for generations to come. Well, even in the wake of this terrible malady we face a new cousin threat comingling the nigh-deadly AIDS disease with – yes, with – swine flu to carry a new threat to the stars. And here is where this pamphlet comes in. You may read it now."
    "Can 't you just tell me? I'm not much of a reader."
    "No, no," he said. "I'd like your thoughts on it. Just read."
    She read it.

    THE FAQS OF SWINE-AIDS:
    How It Affects You, Your Family, & Loved Ones

    Q: What is SWINE-AIDS?
    A: SWINE-AIDS is a next-generation super-disease you may soon acquire as an early-adopter and intrepid soul in the world of microbiology. You.
    Q: Who is responsible?
    A: While it behooves us to act maturely and not aim cloven fingers etc etc, we can blame our Hispanic friends to the south.
    Q: Why did the Mexico do this to us?
    A: Bitterness, jealousy, spite, rage? Who can explain anything in the world of epidemic disease-war politics?
    Q: Explain it to