Dr Jew

make it commercially available. Of course. In my research though… I have come across some unique tracks and paths I daresay neglected by the Swine-AIDS community. I have as a generalist my mind and hooks ensconced in many avenues and sub-arenas, areas I have neither time nor inclination to explore, and I keep notebooks of these scribblings that amount to miles of paper, aye, and like I say, if there were ten of me I would scatter my efforts like shredded wheat before an electric fan and spray the world with my wisdom. However, man must eat and live and have his daily bread sufficient for his cup to runneth over into her mouth and so my hands are tied, my hands are tied. And yet my ears did perk when I heard such a generous offer from my new friend Sergio Simpatico, the pinnacle of motion picture goodliness and directorial majesty of this epoch or any other. I say this not as flattery but as something more than an amateur and less than a professional, with my own private collection of videorecorded adventures in which I starred, wrote, directed, produced, and watched, alone and with the occasional friend, amounting to no small sum."
    "You think you can help Lise, Dr. Jew? That's all I want to know. I've seen what you've done for Philip –"
    "Philip? Ah, Glassdick. Yes, well the difference betwixt AIDS and Swine-AIDS… apples and oranges really. Apples and oranges. Or maybe even apples and hyenas to grant a more honest rendition of the scenario which confronts us. But yes, with the proper stimulation my ignition may be sparked and I could have a trial concoction for your wife. Lise, is it?"
    "Yes. Lise."
    "Is she attractive?"
    I didn't see what he was getting at. "Why do you ask?"
    "I merely mean to ask, to know, ah… to ascertain whether… well, can you provide a photo? If I am to go to Mexico – no, I have not signed on yet, merely poking the situation out – if I go to Mexico I'll need to have a way of identifying her. After all, I can't simply start asking every female with armpit warts if her name is… what is it again?"
    "Lise. Doctor, if you go to Mexico I'll give you directions to her resort. I'll handle those details. You need only concern yourself with a cure."
    "But first, my dear Serge, we must discuss the matter of payment. Making house calls to a foreign country falls well outside of any insurance plan I'm privy to. And besides, the real cost here is my attention span and genius to be thrust upon this little project, and the risk to my person in going to Swine-AIDS-saturated Mexico, which is also a sheltering ground I'm told for nearly one billion criminals or potential criminals – I'm basing this on a recent survey or magazine article that I seem to have misplaced al momento – that's Mexico-an for right now ."
    "Okay," I said. "How much are you asking? I will of course cover all your travel expenses in addition to your pay."
    "Of course. But I think you misunderstand, my dear Serge. The case fascinates me not for the presence of Swine-AIDS or your money, but rather for the presence of Sergio Simpatico who I find strangely enough sitting before me now listening to these very words. What a strange thing to have a Sergio Simpatico at one's beck and call."
    "I don 't follow you."
    "I mean to say, that I am not looking for dollars. I am not as ludicrously rich as you, but I am comfortable. No, what I am after is… collaboration."
    Oh no.
    "We've already collaborated, Dr. Jew. Your script gave me many valuable ideas for the movie. Your medical insight –"
    "Bah!" he said. "Serge, I've seen enough trailers and sample footage of your film to know it is far and away from the script I sent you so many cold Septembers ago. I am no fool, Serge. No, I accept that you let your werewolf masters rip my script from your hands. I accept that. I accept it! You no doubt plead with them to let you film my script. They probably said something like, Dr. Jew? Posh, never heard of him! Thinks he can work in Hollywoodland just because he's a Jew, bwahahahaha. No, we'll get the ghost of William Goldman to write it before we let some outsider to the glitter machine get his filthy medical hands on our billion dollar enterprise! Or better yet, write it yourself, Sergio! Throw in Anne Frank and add another notch in that old horse – make it zombie porn and try something new, but for God's sake don't let your doctor chum try his hand at film writing! And I'm sure, Serge, you tried to tell them what a great script mine