Dr Jew

generally uneventful), to largely negative reviews. On Rotten Tomatoes it had a solid Rotten rating. Metacritic pinned it at 13%.
    Arturo Lombardo of the LA Times described the film as "an orgy of stupidity that tries to meld science porn with childhood themes of nostalgia and decay."
    Gwen Sypho of the Miami Herald called it "the most abysmal piece of cinematic feces since Bio-Dome ."
    The Rolling Stone review implored readers not to waste money on "the drivel that is Swine Trek ," offering free tickets to the animated feature film of Fanny Hill if readers pledged not to see Swine Trek .
    Fenelope O 'Grea wrote an eight-page piece for the Cleveland Hex , and when her editor refused to run it in its entirety she took out the additional space herself as advertising. She found the film "disgusting, boring, misrepresentative of the facts around Swine-AIDS, unfunny, patronizing, repetitive, disorganized, confused and confusing, too long, melodramatic, and signaled the fall of a once-great talent to intellectual masturbation of the most narcissistic nature. The only positive is that Simpatico can only go uphill from here. Or maybe it's just time for him to retire and quit making films with hints of pedophilia."
    Many critics had been unable to include Swine Trek in their Top Ten lists for 2012 due to its late December release. A few had included it anyway before they even saw the film, banking on Simpatico's reputation alone. These critics generally lost their jobs, or resigned in shame.
    Perhaps the most positive review came from Alger Obert. While a far cry from a thumb up, he did say that the film had redemptive value: "Look, I'm the first to admit that this is no Nice Nazis movie. Apparently we'll never see another one of those. But there are a few frames in this film that will no doubt reward the DVD viewer when paused and used as a desktop background. Gottfried's performance is shamelessly bad, taking his obnoxiousness to new heights, but you have to admit that his hair looks good. Many of you will say I'm biased toward the film since I was a close friend of Philip K. Glassdick, the film's credited composer, and yet I found myself perplexed when I heard the faint strains that make up Swine Trek 's soundtrack. This is not the Philip K. Glassdick I knew, not the Glassdick of Music for Headaches or Soundtrack for Dying , and not even the Glassdick of He's the DJ, I'm the Rapist . When the autopsy revealed traces of opioids in Glassdick's blood, I didn't want to believe it, but after hearing this atrocious noise, it becomes obvious that something was wrong with the man. Considering the poor showing of his collaborator Simpatico, we have to wonder if the director's been facing similar tribulations (as the tabloids report but which we were formerly disinclined to believe). I am not here to judge men – only movies! – and God knows I barely qualify as human anymore – but it may indeed be time for Sergio Simpatico to throw in the towel. We can only hope his career ends gracefully like Grace Kelly, and not disastrously like poor Philip K. Glassdick."
    Obert 's review prompted more email than at any other time in his career. Most of it was hate mail from people who went to see Swine Trek to see if Gilbert Gottfried's hair did indeed look good (it did), but felt cheated that they had to sit through four and a half hours of rape, violence, zombies, and bad dialogue just to see Gottfried's hair.
    A number of the emails to Obert demanded his resignation. These people also wrote directly to the Chicago Moon-Times , Obert's employer, asking that he be removed in the name of decency. The editor of course ignored these crank messages, but also had doubts about Obert's efficiency, wondering what in fact went on beneath those burlap pants in the large man's metal frame.
    For a few months after he wrote the Swine Trek review, Alger Obert outsourced his email to a man in India whom he (Obert) had never met. The man sifted through the emails and took out anything that might disturb a delicate constitution such as Alger had. When the emails returned to a relative normal, Obert dismissed the outsourcing man ("Raj") and took on the duties himself once more, changing his email password, of course.

XLIV.

    Rolling through miles of cornfields. Two men in a rental car. The older behind the wheel. The younger navigating and looking into the past. His giant frame barely contained by the tight squeeze of the compact vehicle seatbelt, cheapest