Empty Promises

occasions since you have been in jail, you have told me we are over. I used to convince myself you feel that way because you’re in jail, but you have done a lot of things to me when I should [have] ended us, but I never could say it was over, and I still couldn’t—which makes me realize I have only been thinking about me and my feelings because you are always telling me I don’t love you any more, but you are the one always trying to end us…. It is you who doesn’t love me the way you used to. I get the feeling you’re hoping I will give you the strength to get rid of me. Is that true? Are you just afraid of hurting me?

    It was obvious that Steve had been dangling Jami like a puppet, pretending that he wanted to leave her—an idea difficult to give much credence to because it seemed only a sadistic game with which he could occupy himself while he was in jail.

I would never leave you, so you aren’t threatened…. It is my fault for being so in love with you…. Honey, I don’t want us to end. God, you hurt me so much last night when you said you thought of me as your enemy.
    I know I can be moody and bitchy … that is what makes me want to be more spontaneous and easy going (and positive) like you. Because I see how depressing it is to be around a negative person everyday. I know that is why I love to be with you, because you are positive and full of life.
    I love to think back to the day we first met up until now. I only have a few minor regrets, but the rest of it has been the most exciting time of my life. You have shown me things and places I never thought I would see. When I think of marrying you, all I think about is a life full of excitement and love…. I don’t know what you see in me since I was and still am a boring, unexciting person, while you are such an adventurous and fun-loving person. You must have just felt sorry for me, huh? And wanted to show me what life really had to offer. Because there is no comparison to that life I had before as to that life you have given me and hopefully still want to give me.

    Jami’s “minor regrets” probably involved bruises and suicide threats and being terrorized at knifepoint, but she had grown adept at denial. The bad things paled as Steve drew her deeper and deeper under his control.
    To those who loved Jami, it was unthinkable that she should stay with Steve. But his pleas were convincing to her, and when he withheld his love, he was even more convincing.
    Trilby Jordan, whose daughter, Lori, was Jami’s oldest friend, recalled how relieved she had been to hear about a time when Jami had broken away from Steve and was saying that she would never go back to him. “I remember telling Jami,” Trilby said, “ ‘I’m so glad you’ve broken up with Steve. You know, Jami, that statistics show that if he hits you before your wedding, he’ll hit you after.’ ”
    Jami smiled and nodded. But later Trilby heard that Jami and Steve were not only back together; they had set a wedding date. Her heart sank. Like Judy and Jerry Hagel, Trilby had wished so much more for Jami.
    It was as if her family and friends saw an entirely different man than Jami did when they looked at Steve. There was no reasoning with her. Even her friend June Young begged her to reconsider. When Jami introduced June to Steve in a bowling alley in Bellevue, June saw that her bubbly friend had changed drastically. After that, Jami just drifted away. “He was pretty much in control,” June recalled. “I might have seen them together five times after that—mostly, I saw Jami alone. Steve would talk to other girls in the bowling alley and I commented to Jami about it, but she said, ‘That’s just Steven.’ ”
    Jami felt that her destiny lay with Steve—that he needed her and loved her so much that she had no choice but to marry him. It was as if her innate kindness was much stronger than the part of her that had once been confident and outgoing. Steve always came first. Quite simply, he orchestrated her life, told her what to think, what to wear, and even when to speak.
    “He created what he wanted,” one of Jami’s friends remembered. “Eventually he did manage to turn Jami into a Barbie doll.”
    The Hagels’ friends and Jami’s peers recalled that Steve never complimented her, no matter how hard she tried to please him. “He was always demeaning her,” said Jeff Daniels, a longtime friend of the Hagels. “Jami was bright and cheerful and pleasant, but Steve