Enders In Exile

understand," said
Mother. "I'll go into my bedroom and you can slam the door on me."
    The fact that Mother
really did know what she was thinking was the most infuriating thing of
all. But Alessandra did not scream and did not scratch at her mother
and did not fall on the floor and throw a tantrum and did not even dive
onto the sofa and bury her face in the pillow. Instead she sat down at
the table directly across from her mother and said, "What's for dinner?"
    "So. Just like that,
the discussion is over?"
    "Discuss while we cook.
I'm hungry."
    "There's nothing
to
eat, because I haven't turned in our final acceptance because I haven't
decided yet whether we should sleep or stay awake through the voyage,
and so we haven't got the signing bonus, and so there's no money to buy
food."
    "So what are we going
to do about dinner?"
    Mother just looked away
from her.
    "I know," said
Alessandra excitedly. "Let's go over to Grandma's!"
    Mother turned back and
glared at her.
    "Mother," said
Alessandra, "how can we run out of money when we're living on the dole?
Other people on the dole manage to buy enough food and pay their
electric bills."
    "What do
you
think?" said Mother. "Look around you. What have I spent all the
government's money on? Where's all the extravagance? Look in my closet,
count the outfits I own."
    Alessandra thought for
a moment. "I never thought about that. Do you owe money to the mafia?
Did Father, before he died?"
    "No," said Mother
contemptuously. "You now have all the information you need to
understand completely, and yet you still haven't figured it out, smart
and grown up as you are."
    Alessandra couldn't
imagine what Mother was talking about. Alessandra didn't have
any
new information. She also didn't have anything to eat.
    She got up and started
opening cupboards. She found a box of dry radiatori and a jar of black
pepper. She took a pan to the sink and put in some water and set it on
the stove and turned on the gas.
    "There's no sauce for
the pasta," said Mother.
    "There's pepper.
There's oil."
    "You can't eat
radiatori with just pepper and oil. It's like putting fistfuls of wet
flour in your mouth."
    "That's not my
problem," said Alessandra. "At this point, it's pasta or shoe leather,
so you'd better start guarding your closet."
    Mother tried to turn
things light again. "Of course, just like a daughter, you'd eat
my
shoes."
    "Just be glad if I stop
before I get to your leg."
    Mother pretended she
was still joking when she airily said, "Children eat their parents
alive, that's what they do."
    "Then why is that
hideous creature still living in that flat in Polignano a Mare?"
    "I broke my teeth on
her skin!" It was Mother's last attempt at humor.
    "You tell me what
terrible things daughters do, but you're a daughter, too. Did you do
them?"
    "I married the first
man who showed me any hint of what kindness and pleasure could be. I
married stupidly."
    "I have half the genes
of the man you married," said Alessandra. "Is that why I'm too stupid
to decide what planet I want to live on?"
    "It's obvious that you
want to live on any planet where I am not."
    "You're the one who
came up with the colony idea, not me! But now I think you've named your
own
reason. Yes! You want to colonize another
planet because
your
mother isn't there!"
    Mother slumped in her
seat. "Yes, that is part of it. I won't pretend that I wasn't thinking
of that as one of the best things about going."
    "So you admit you
weren't
doing it all for me."
    "I do not admit such a
lie. It's all for you."
    "Getting away from your
mother, that is for you," said Alessandra.
    "It is for you."
    "How can it be for me?
Until today I didn't even know what my grandmother looked like. I had
never seen her face. I didn't even know her name."
    "And do you know how
much that cost me?" asked Mother.
    "What do you mean?"
    Mother looked away.
"The water is boiling."
    "No, that's my temper
you're hearing. Tell me what you meant. What did it cost
you
to keep
me
from knowing my own grandmother?"
    Mother got up and went
into her bedroom and closed the door.
    "You forgot to slam it,
Mother! Who's the parent here, anyway? Who's the one who shows a sense
of responsibility? Who's fixing
dinner
?"
    The water took three
more minutes before it got to a boil. Alessandra threw in two fistfuls
of radiatori and then got her books and started studying at the table.
She ended up overcooking the pasta and it was so cheaply made that it
clumped up and the oil didn't bind with it. It