Ender's Shadow

think he'll be content to put me in the hospital.”
      The child broke down crying, which set another to wailing, and soon it was a choir of boo-hoos, with Achilles shaking his head and laughing. "I'm not going to die. You'll be safe if I'm out of the way, and I'll come back after Ulysses has time to cool down and get used to the system.”
      Bean watched and listened in silence. He didn't think Achilles was handling it right, but he had given the warning and his responsibility was over. For Achilles to go into hiding was begging for trouble -- it would be taken as a sign of weakness.
      Achilles slipped away that night to go somewhere that he couldn't tell them so that nobody could accidentally let it slip. Bean toyed with the idea of following him to see what he really did, but realized he would be more useful with the main group. After all, Poke would be their leader now, and Poke was only an ordinary leader. In other words, stupid. She needed Bean, even if she didn't know it.
      That night Bean tried to keep watch, for what he did not know. At last he did sleep, and dreamed of school, only it wasn't the sidewalk or alley school with Sister Carlotta, it was a real school, with tables and chairs. But in the dream Bean couldn't sit at a desk. Instead he hovered in the air over it, and when he wanted to he flew anywhere in the room. Up to the ceiling. Into a crevice in the wall, into a secret dark place, flying upward and upward as it got warmer and warmer and ...
      He woke in darkness. A cold breeze stirred. He needed to pee. He also wanted to fly. Having the dream end almost made him cry out with the pain of it. He couldn't remember ever dreaming of flying before. Why did he have to be little, with these stubby legs to carry him from place to place?
      When he was flying he could look down at everyone and see the tops of their silly heads. He could pee or poop on them like a bird. He wouldn't have to be afraid of them because if they got mad he could fly away and they could never catch him.
      Of course, if I could fly, everyone else could fly too and I'd still be the smallest and slowest and they'd poop and pee on me anyway.
      There was no going back to sleep. Bean could feel that in himself. He was too frightened, and he didn't know why. He got up and went into the alley to pee.
      Poke was already there. She looked up and saw him.
      "Leave me alone for a minute," she said.
      "No," he said.
      "Don't give me any crap, little boy," she said.
      "I know you squat to pee," he said, "and I'm not looking anyway." Glaring, she waited until he turned his back to urinate against the wall. "I guess if you were going to tell about me you already would have," she said.
      "They all know you're a girl, Poke. When you're not there, Papa Achilles talks about you as 'she' and 'her.'"
     
      "He's not my papa.”
      "So I figured," said Bean. He waited, facing the wall.
      "You can turn around now." She was up and fastening her pants again.
      "I'm scared of something, Poke," said Bean.
      "What?”
      "I don't know.”
      "You don't know what you're scared of?”
      "That's why it's so scary.”
      She gave a soft, sharp laugh. "Bean, all that means is that you're four years old. Little kids see shapes in the night. Or they don't see shapes. Either way they're scared.”
      "Not me," said Bean. "When I'm scared, it's because something's wrong.”
      "Ulysses is looking to hurt Achilles, that's what.”
      "That wouldn't make you sad, would it?”
      She glared at him. "We're eating better than ever. Everybody's happy. It was your plan. And I never cared about being the boss.”
      "But you hate him," said Bean.
      She hesitated. "It feels like he's always laughing at me.”
      "How do you know what little kids are scared of?”
      "Cause I used to be one," said Poke. "And I remember.”
      "Ulysses isn't going to hurt Achilles," said Bean.
      "I know that," said Poke.
      "Because you're planning to find Achilles and protect him.”
      "I'm planning to stay right here and watch out for the children.”
      "Or else maybe you're planning to find Ulysses first and kill him.”
      "How? He's bigger than me. By a lot.”
      "You didn't come out here to pee," said Bean. "Or else your bladder's the size of a gumball.”
      "You listened? ”
      Bean shrugged. "You wouldn't let me watch.”
      "You think too much, but you don't know enough to make sense of what's going on.”
      "I think