Fall from Love

expression on his face, but I don’t.
    “Me, too,” I whisper.
    As much as my feelings for Carter go way beyond friendship, I will settle for how we are right now because having him in my life is so much better than not. There is no way to know for sure that if we cross that line beyond friendship if it will work out and, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I can’t lose him.
    “So, friends, that’s what you want?” he asks me.
    “Yeah, it’s what I want,” I say, feeling as though my whole heart is collapsing inside me.
     
    ❧
     
    I’d like to say that things go back to normal after that day, but they don’t. I’d like to say that Carter and I are able to become friends again, but we can’t. Ever since that morning, after he dropped me back off at my apartment, things have been different between us. Now, more than ever before. I’m not sure what I did so wrong. Okay, that isn’t true. I know that when I told him I just wanted to be friends, it was a lie, but I thought with all my heart that it was the right choice. Turns out, I was wrong about that, too.
    The last few times that Jenna and I have gone over to their place, Carter will make an excuse to leave or say that he has a lot of studying to do up in his room. It doesn’t take long for me to realize that he’s trying to avoid me at all costs and, eventually, I just stop going over there all together. The late night phone calls and texts also stop. It’s like we’ve never been friends at all... and it is killing me.
    A familiar ache in my chest returns and I hate myself for asking him to kiss me. I hate that I even contemplated crossing that line with him. More than I’ve ever wanted anything before, I want him back... I want our friendship.
    The days turn into weeks and, before I know it, finals are here and I’m distracted with studying, as well as test taking, which I’m thankful for.
    “We’re all done, only one more semester to go,” Becca says, smiling and pulling me in for a hug outside the Journalism building. “We survived Dr. Langford’s class, so next semester should be a breeze.”
    “Yeah, I’m not sure I would’ve made it through his class without you, so thank you.” I hug her back.
    “You going home to New York?” she asks me as we walk out to the parking lot.
    “Yeah, I leave tonight, actually.”
    “Me, too. I can’t wait to live in the world of no studying and sleeping in. It’s going to be so great. Well, have a good break.”
    “You, too. I’ll see you in about a month,” I say and we part ways.
     
    ❧
     
    We pull up to the departure terminal and Jenna hops out to help me with my bag. I’ve packed two suitcases, which seem like a lot, but I’m planning on being home for almost three weeks.
    “I’m gonna miss you.” Jenna frowns, pulling me in for a hug. “What am I going to do without you?”
    “Enjoy Christmas with your family and spend lots of alone time with Josh.” I say, hoping to brighten her mood.
    I laugh as her expression falls. “It won’t be the same without you, though,” she whines.
    “C’mon we’ve been away from each other before, Jenna.”
    “I know, but not for this long.”
    That is true. The last few years, I’ve only gone home to New York for the week of Christmas. I’ve always been back to celebrate New Year’s in Colorado with Jenna, but this year my mom has talked me into staying in New York a little longer. With how I’ve been ignoring her over the past few months, it’s hard to say no and, actually, I’m looking forward to seeing some old friends and spending some time with my parents.

 
     
    Chapter Eighteen
     
    For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
    ~ Judy Garland
     
    HOLLY
    Okay, so I was wrong. Being at home for three weeks isn’t what I thought it was going to be. Since my brother doesn’t make it home from California, it leaves me receiving all the attention from my mom and dad. It isn’t that it is horrible being alone with them, but after a full week with them, I’m beginning to feel suffocated. I’ve hung out with a few of my old friends, but it’s clear that over the years we have all changed and grown apart. I find myself really missing Jenna, my life in Colorado, and most of all... Carter.
    It’s only a few days of being back in New York when I know there is no way I’m going to make it all the way to New Year’s.
    “Are you sure you have to