Fall from Love

back, holding her stomach and is having trouble breathing. I pull the pillow from my lap and stuff my face into it.

 
     
    Chapter Seventeen
     
    A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other...Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.
    ~ Dave Matthews Band
     
    HOLLY
    We’ve been back home for a few days and I still haven’t talked to Carter. We’ve exchanged a few text messages, but haven’t talked about anything major, or said anything about the kiss or what we both agreed to think about over the break. My heart and my mind have been disagreeing on what they want and what they think they should do. I’ve played it all out in my head, knowing what could happen to us if, for some reason, we try to be more and it doesn’t work out. Everyone says that, no matter what, they can remain friends, but it never seems to work out that way. Over the past few days, I’ve only been able to come to one conclusion, one thing I know for sure, and that is that I don’t want to lose him, I can’t lose him.
    When we got back to the apartment a couple days ago, Josh was waiting for us. He and Jenna have been locked in her bedroom ever since. Well, except to eat and shower. I saw them go into her bathroom together yesterday morning and thanked my lucky stars we each have our own. After some of the things Carter has told me that he witnessed between the two of them, I’m wishing we each had our own kitchen, too. So, in order to give them some space and to put myself out of my misery of seeing them happy and in love, I’ve been spending most of my time at the library with Becca.
    It’s not that I’m annoyed or angry at Jenna, I’m actually really happy for her. If I’m being totally honest with myself, I’m actually a little jealous of her. Okay, a lot jealous of her. I envy what she has, how her eyes light up every time she sees Josh and, even more, how his eyes do the same. A few months ago, I swore off love forever, never wanting to give it another chance because I had been burned so badly the last time I gave my heart away.
    Tonight, Becca and I have planned to meet up at the library to study. Finals are still a few weeks away, but I need all the studying I can get. When I pull up in the school parking lot, it’s packed with cars, but I find a great spot right up front. I’m about a half hour early and I know that Becca probably isn’t here yet, but I was eager to get out of the apartment.
    When I walk in and scan the library for an open table, I stop short and can’t believe who I’m seeing. I had never seen him in here before. Carter’s sitting a few tables down, his head is buried in a book, and he looks to be concentrating really hard on something. I’m tempted to turn away and head towards the other side of the room, but I realize that this is exactly what I don’t want to happen between us. I don’t want that kiss to affect our friendship. It’s still up in the air on whether or not we are going to move onto the next level, but whatever happens, I don’t want to lose him, or for things to be awkward between us.
    “Hey,” I say, keeping my voice low, instantly feeling bad for interrupting him.
    He looks up to meet my gaze. “Oh, hey.”
    “How are you?”
    He shrugs. “I’m okay. You?”
    “I’m good.” I nod and smile, but on the inside I’m reeling at how different things feel between us, cringing at our exchanges.
    A couple girls turn our way, looking annoyed, and I smile apologetically.
    “So, how was your Thanksgiving?” I ask.
    He looks back towards his book and a wave of pain crosses his face. “It was… alright.”
    I want to ask him about his mom, but I’m not sure how to approach the subject without throwing Jenna under the bus. “How’s your sister?” I ask instead.
    He presses his lips together and then says, “She’s doing okay.”
    I want to confront him about our kiss and see if he thought about us at all over the break, but it doesn’t seem like the appropriate time or place. With the cold shoulder he’s giving me and the awkwardness between us, I’m wishing the kiss hadn’t happened at all. The feelings I have been struggling with for the past few weeks are still with me, but the longer I sit here, the more clear it becomes that Carter has made his decision. He doesn’t look happy to see me. He doesn’t even act like he missed me all that much. Maybe he realizes he just