Fall from Love

going to see him?” she asks.
    “Yeah, maybe I will,” I say, turning around and heading towards my bedroom, wanting to be alone after what she just told me.
    She sighs loudly and calls out to me, “Holly.”
    Turning around, I face her again.
    “ Now . I’m talking about going to see him right now.”
     
    ❧
     
    I feel weird for even asking and it really shouldn’t matter, but it’s been bugging me. “Hey, Jenna.”
    “Yeah,” she says, applying a second coat of mascara.
    “Does Carter know I’m back in town?”
    Her mascara wand stops mid-stroke and she glances across the mirror at me. “No, I don’t think so, I didn’t even tell Josh you were back.”
    I nod my head as a river of nerves flow through me. Then panic and fear hit me at once… what if he doesn’t want to see or talk to me? What if he hasn’t missed me as much as I missed him?
     
    CARTER
    I’m sitting in the living room all by myself and feeling like a miserable son of a bitch. Maybe that’s because I am. I’m a drunk, miserable, son of a bitch.
    I‘ve come to the realization that New Year’s Eve is a dumb holiday to celebrate. In my opinion, it’s really just an excuse for people to get together and get drunk. We don’t have a large celebration for every day that the sun rises, when a new week begins, or when we flip the calendar over each month. So why such a big celebration for a new year?
    I realize that the alcohol is causing random thoughts to enter my head and I’m quickly reminded of why I don’t drink too much anymore. Beside all the randomness, it just causes me to remember all the people that have vanished from my life, bringing all of the depressing thoughts I’ve been trying to bury back to the surface.
    I take another sip of beer and then glance down at the bottle, remembering the day I first held one of these in my hands. The day my older brother turned twenty-one, the day before he was sent off to Afghanistan, the same day he gave me my first beer. I was only sixteen at the time and I thought it was a pretty cool moment to share with my older brother… especially the night before he left for war. I’d like to look back on that night and remember it for the great day it was, but I can’t, because it was the last time I ever saw him alive. So now, every time I think about it, I think about how he’s not here anymore.
    The day we buried him in the ground, my dad and I shared a six pack of beer. I remember being nervous when he met me out on the front porch and handed me a bottle. I thought maybe he was testing me to see if I would take it.
    “Just this once,” he said, grinning at me. “And let’s not tell your mom about this, okay?”
    We sat there and drank the entire six pack; sharing memories as well as talking about all the things we loved and would miss about Brandon. It was one of my favorite memories of me and my old man together, but I still don’t like thinking about it now because it just reminds me that he’s gone, too.
    “Hey, man,” Josh says, thumping me on the head as he walks by. “Jenna’s coming over in a little while. I think we’re just going to hang out and play some pool if you want to join us.”
    I’m surprised he hasn’t said anything to me about my drinking, but then again, he hasn’t said a word all night. He’s been trying really hard lately to get me to talk and open up, but I’ve done a good job of shutting him out.
    “I don’t know if I’ll be up for it, but thanks for the offer,” I say, taking another sip of beer.
    “C’mon, man, don’t do this to yourself.” He sighs, facing me. “It’s New Year’s Eve. I’ve never been one to celebrate this stupid holiday, but it’s better than sitting here and feeling sorry for yourself all night.”
    “I’m not—whatever, man.” I stop before I get myself caught in a lie, knowing he’ll call me out on it.
    “Okay, well, the offer still stands if you change your mind.”
    He takes off, running upstairs. I stay on the couch, prepared to get back to my depressing thoughts when I hear a car door slam and then another. Leaning forward, I put my beer down on the coffee table, turn around, and pull down the blinds to look out the window.
    My chest feels like a sledgehammer hit it and I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Opening my eyes wide, I take another look and see Jenna walking up the driveway with Holly. Jenna interlocks her arm through Holly’s and they’re laughing about something. My mind still