Fall from Love

wants to be my friend and that he’s been mistaken about his feelings for me.
    Now, more than ever, I wish that I could go back in time to that night and take back the words that came out of my mouth. I just want us back... the way we were.
    There is a long silence between us and the heaviness in my chest is getting stronger with each passing second. “Well, I won’t take up any more of your time. Good luck with studying,” I say, trying to keep my voice even.
    “Yeah, I’ll see ya.”
    When I walk off, I expect him to stop me, to tell me that he misses me, to tell me that he wants me, but he doesn’t say anything.
     
    CARTER
    It’s five in the morning and I haven’t slept a minute all night. The way I treated Holly at the library the other day has been eating away at me the past few days. It’s all I’ve thought about, yet I’ve been too much of a pussy to call her and talk to her about it. I should have called her that night and apologized for being a jerk, but I didn’t. I’m not sure why, but ever since the night of our kiss, knowing the feelings I have for her are strong; it scares the shit out of me.
    Before we shared that amazing kiss, things between us were simple, easy. Now, it’s just complicated as hell. That night, when I asked her to think about what she really wanted, I was trying to protect her and what we had. There’s not a doubt in my mind that every part of me wants her, but I’m also scared to lose her... I can’t lose her. I know now that I’ve been pushing her away and I’m going to lose her one way or the other if I don’t quit acting like an ass.
    So how the hell am I supposed to be friends with a girl that I’m crazy about, but I’m not sure if I should be with? As far as I can tell, there are only two answers to that question—the two answers I’ve been analyzing in my head as I lay here and stare at my ceiling. It’s not hard to figure out that I can’t have it both ways. Either I have to push my feelings for her aside—as hard as that may be—and we go back to being friends. Or I have to tell her how I really feel about her, tell her the truth about what happened the night on the mountain, and take the risk of losing her forever.
    As I try to talk myself out of wanting her, I want her even more. My chest is aching for her—her smile, her laugh, her touch—and then it hits me. I know what I have to do. Flinging the covers back, I climb out of bed and throw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.
     
    ❧
     
    As I’m walking up her apartments steps, I turn around and head back down a few times before finally making it to the top. When I was laying in bed, showing up and surprising her to tell her how I really feel about her seemed like a good idea, but now, I’m not so sure.
    Forcing myself to just do it, I raise my hand, knock on her door and wait. It seems like minutes pass with no sounds from the inside, so I knock again. Another minute or so passes and I hear some shuffling behind the door and then a panicked voice curses on the other side of it. When the door opens, I see Holly standing there in a long t-shirt, her hair a mess and she’s staring at me with a confused expression. I can’t help thinking how beautiful she looks, though.
    “Carter?”
    “Hey.” I smile. “You’re probably wondering what I’m doing here, huh?”
    “Um, yeah. What time is it?” she asks.
    “I don’t know, probably six or so.”
    Her eyebrows knit, looking more confused than ever. “Um, okay...”
    “Can I come in?” I ask her after a long minute of just standing there.
    “Oh, yeah, sorry, come in.” She opens the door wider and I walk through.
    “Are one of those for me?” she asks, eyeing the three cups of coffee sitting in the holder I have in my hand, looking like she needs it in order to fully wake up. I figured if I was going to show up before sun rises, the least I could do was bring coffee with me.
    “Yeah,” I say, taking one and handing it to her.
    She takes a quick sip and then looks back over at me. “What are you doing here? Actually,” she holds up her hand stopping me, “hold that thought, I’m going to get dressed.”
    “Holly, what’s going on? Who was—oh, hi, Carter. Carter!?” Jenna squints her sleepy eyes at me. “What the hell are you doing here so early? It’s not even light out yet.”
    “I came to see Holly.”
    She sighs and shakes her head at me. “If I didn’t love that girl so much and want her to be happy, I’d