Fear of Falling

paper and slid it back into the Mason jar before setting it on my windowsill. Right next to those little stars, so small and delicate in size, yet the weight of their burden had crippled me for so long. I picked up the glass that contained their cynical smiles and taunting laughter.
    Those insignificant little things had held me prisoner for years. And now they had cost me the only man I had ever loved.
    I had never hated them more, so much so that I wanted to be done with them for good. It was time. I was ready to live.

    The roar of the crowd was louder than I had remembered, though the only thing I could hear was the steady, rapid pounding of my heart. I wiped my sweat-slicked palms on my cotton dress. Shit. My dress was white; I really hoped it didn’t become see-through from the spotlights. Would I look stupid? Would people be pissed? Hell, could I even do this?
    Stop it, Kam. Breathe. You got this. Everything else, all the bullshit you’ve been through…it was all for this . This moment. Prove that you’re strong. That you’re a fighter. That you can be fearless. Because if anyone is worth the risk of falling, it’s him.
    The sound of Angel’s voice signaled my entrance, and with trembling legs, I forced myself from the safety of backstage. I shielded my eyes to adjust to the bright beam of the fluorescents and stepped forward. Luckily, the packed audience was still too wrapped up in their drinks, food, and conversation to even notice my approach. Good. Maybe I’d remain safe and hidden, overshadowed by the powerhouse that was Angel Cassidy and the rest of the A.D. bombshells.
    But Lady Luck was a bitch in too-tight stilettos that liked to do the Electric Slide on my glimmer of hope. The only thing I could be thankful for was the fact that his back was turned. But even in the crowded bar, I instantly zeroed in on his heavily inked arms and messily styled, sandy brown hair. Every synapse jolted to attention then tingled with remembrance. My stomach coiled into a knot that Popeye himself couldn’t get out of. My body knew him, had felt him. And undoubtedly missed him.
    Even with the hushed whispers of my return swirling about, Blaine remained in deep conversation with his cousin, CJ. The crowd around them, mostly comprised of scantily clad girls, vied for their attention, yet the pair seemed totally oblivious. One chick in particular was damn near trying to force feed Blaine her tits.
    Maybe this was a mistake. Blaine didn’t want me here; he even told Angel that. He was leaving. If he felt anything for me, why would he move to the other side of the world?
    The room quieted a decibel when I stepped up to the mic with my guitar, yet Blaine still didn’t turn around. I looked over at Angel, who shot me an encouraging smile with a nod of her head. I shrugged. I was here. Getting to this point was half the battle and I’d be damned if I turned back now.
    Without saying a word to even introduce myself, I began to play. At first, the strings felt foreign under my fingertips. Almost like a lover that you hadn’t kissed in ages. But soon, familiarity kicked in, flooding me with feelings of comfort and serenity. Angel was right—this was where I belonged. Nothing made me feel more fearless…more like me . Nothing could hurt me here. That broken girl had been fixed and set free.
    With my eyes trained on Blaine as I belted out the first notes, I could see his body stiffen. He knew my voice. He had heard me. But I needed him to really hear me. To listen to the words that I had penned just for him months ago. The words I was too afraid to tell him.
    In pieces when you found me
    Shattered like broken glass
    So scared that you would see
    What hid behind this tattered mask
    Slowly, he turned around, and his stunned gaze sought mine. The moment our eyes locked, I knew that my fate was sealed.
    I had fallen into forever.
    I would never be able to move on from this , from him. From that scary-beautiful man that I was hopelessly in love with. And fear bloomed into exhilaration. Anxiety morphed into sheer joy.
    I sang every word to him as if no one else existed. In my world, no one did. He was my all. My everything . He was the only thing that could save me. He already had.
    The thought of loving and losing
    Baby, it terrifies me
    Didn’t know what I was doing
    Just wanted to be free
    The entire bar fell silent as Angel and I continued to play, our voices blending in perfect harmony as we fell into the chorus, as