Forever Too Far

to buy her so much but money had been tight. Using my sparse creative a bilities I had made her a scarpbook of Valerie and I growing up. Mom had been buried with it in her hands.
         This year I had done everything I could to make my mother proud of me. There were times when her favorite Christmas carol would play and I had to fight the urge to go curl up in the fetal position and weep. But she’d made me promise her something last year. She had known it was her last Christmas too and she’d asked me to do her a favor: that next Christmas I would celebrate enough for both of us. I had tried my hardest.
         My eyes had opened before the sunrise this morning and I’d eased out of bed without waking Rush. I needed some time alone. Time to process things. To remember. I knew that if Mom could see me now she would be so happy for me. I was married to the man I loved. I was going to be a mother myself and I had forgiven my dad. I held my coffee close to me and pulled my legs up under me as I sat on the sofa facing the colorfully decorated tree. This picture of my life would have been what Mom wanted for me.
         I didn’t wipe away the tears on my face because they weren’t all sad. Some were happy. Some were thankful and some were memories.
         I enjoyed the silence and watched the sunrise through the window. Rush would want me in bed when he woke up. I would need to sneak back in after I finished my coffee and brushed my teeth. This year I wanted Christmas to be perfect for him. It was our first one and this was me setting a precedent for years to come.
         “Waking up on Christmas without your favorite present in bed sucks bad.” Rush’s sleepy voice startled me and I glanced back to see him walking into the living room. He had pulled on a pair of sweat pants but that was it. His hair was messy from sleep and his eyes were still half closed.
         “I’m sorry. I was going to sneak back in bed after I watched the sunrise,” I told him as he sank down on the sofa beside me and pulled me over against his side.
         “I would have gotten up and watched it with you if you’d asked,” he said with his chin resting on the top of my head.
         I was almost positive that he would do anything I asked of him. That hadn’t been why I’d left him sleeping. “I know,” I replied.
         Rush trailed his hand up and down my left arm. “You need ed some alone time?” he asked. The understanding in his question told me that he didn’t need details. He knew.
         “Yeah,” I replied.
         “You need some more?”
         “No,” I said , smiling up at him.
         “Good ‘cause I wasn’t going to go away easily,”
        I laughed and laid my head back against his chest.  “It’s a beautiful morning.”
        “Yeah , it is,” he agreed and bent his head down to my ear. “Can I give you one of your presents now?” he asked.
         “Does it re quire us being naked?” I asked teasingly.
         “Uh, no ... but if you wanna get naked baby, I’m always on board for that,” he replied.
         Surprised , I turned around in his arms and looked up at him. “You mean you want to open presents now?” I asked. I’d thought we would make love first.
         “Not open exactly. I need to show you,” he said , standing up and pulling me with him.
         This was not what I ’d expected. I nodded and let him lead me back through the house and to the stairs. Maybe we were going upstairs to have sex after all?
         Rush stopped at the room I’d once chosen as my own. I hadn’t been in there since I had shown it to Harlow before the wedding. The door was closed and Rush stood back and motioned for me to open it. I was really confused now.
         I stepped forward to turn the knob and let the door open slowly. The first thing I saw was a massive cherry wood baby bed sitting in the middle of the room and an elaborate mobile with exotic sea animals dangling from it.
         Rush reached inside and flipped a switch . Instead of the overhead light coming on, the mobile lit up and began to play. But it wasn’t a lullaby. It was the song Rush had sung to me on our wedding day. The entire mobile was lit up all the way to the ceiling. All I could do was cover my mouth in complete awe and shock as I stepped further into the room. Lights danced across the walls as the mobile spun slowly playing our song.
         A rocking