Forget Me Never

stubborn, but I’ve got such a strong gut instinct about her death.’
    I filled her in on everything I’d found out so far, including about what was going on at Vaughan-Bayard. The only thing I skimmed over was how I’d been threatened. I didn’t need her to tell me off about getting into something this dangerous. ‘I can’t go back to normal until this is settled,’ I finished, ‘but I don’t know what to do about it – only that I’ve got to see it through!’
    The tears, which I’d done such a good job holding back, spilt down my cheeks. Fay handed me a tissue. Softly she asked, ‘Why is it so important to you to get to the bottom of this?’
    ‘Because no one else will! They’ve written Dani off! I hate her being branded as this crazy unstable person. I know she didn’t take her medication, I know she had mood swings, I know she got depressed. But that doesn’t explain her death!
    ‘Is this just about Dani? Or is it about you too?’
    I gulped. ‘I . . .’
    ‘What are you afraid of, Sophie?’
    ‘That I’ll end up like her!’ The words came rushing out. Worried I’d gone too far I quickly looked at Fay, but she hadn’t even flinched. Very calmly she said, ‘And why do you think that might happen?’
    ‘It’s a cycle. My mum was really flaky. Dani’s too. That was why I was taken into care – my mum just couldn’t handle normal life.’ I paused. ‘When Dani died people made out she was the same, like it was genetic or something. They didn’t say – but I know they think it – that I’m going to turn out that way too. Depressed. Unstable. I mean, it’s obvious, isn’t it?’ Bitterness was creeping into my voice. ‘Mum, Dani, my aunt, me – four headcases. I do crazy stuff already. It’s only a matter of time.’
    ‘You don’t feel you’ve been given a chance to prove you’re different?’
    That was exactly it; I was so relieved Fay understood. ‘You know the worst thing?’ I whispered. ‘I can rant all I like, but . . . I have this niggling fear that won’t go away . . . that they might be right.’
    It was only as I said the words that I realized this was it – the deep, dark fear that had been obsessing me.
    ‘ You’re in control of your future, Sophie.’ The way Fay said it, I almost believed her.
    ‘It’s never just been about putting the record straight about Dani.’ I blew my nose. ‘See, I’m not that good, Fay. I’m not one of those . . . those gutsy teenage detectives who’ll risk life and limb just to solve a mystery. If it was only about finding the truth, maybe I’d give up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared – but I’m more scared of the alternative. All my life people think they know who I am before they even meet me. I want to find out who I am myself.’
    I sank back into the sofa, tired all of a sudden. Fay squeezed my hand. Why I’d told her all of this I didn’t know. Maybe it was just because she’d been willing to listen, or maybe it was easier telling a stranger. Saying what I was afraid of didn’t make it any less frightening – but it helped me feel less like I was going mad.
    I left Fay’s feeling a little better and went for a walk along the seafront to clear my head. At about half six I saw that the pier was getting busy; the funfair at the end was open. I wandered along to see what was going on, more on automatic than because I wanted to.
    The pier rides weren’t up to much. There was a merry-go-round Reece had christened ‘the Euro ride’ because it was decorated with European flag bunting, a big wheel for kids and several stalls with games ranging from shooting ducks with an air rifle to throwing weighted balls through hoops.
    We had such fun here, I thought; me, Reece and Dani. Standing here and seeing the ghosts of better times was so painful that I turned to leave – then felt a hand on my shoulder.
    It was a rugged-looking man in his mid-forties wearing a beanie hat. After a moment I realized he was the proprietor of the air-rifle stall.
    ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘You Danielle’s sister?’
    For a moment I thought I was hearing things. But then it came back to me. This guy and his wife had been friendly with Dani. I remembered her chatting to them, and me and Reece having a couple of free goes.
    ‘Her cousin,’ I said. ‘I remember you! My friend argued with you over your game’s rules.’
    ‘Yeah, you and Danielle thought it was a right laugh.’ He made a face. ‘Is he always that mouthy, your