Frankenstein - According to

how to. I thought of the
occurrences of the day. I remembered too well the treatment I had suffered the
night before from the barbarous villagers who had driven me out. I remained
quietly in my hovel, watching, and endeavouring to discover the motives which
influenced their actions.
    ‘The
cottagers arose the next morning before the sun. A young woman arranged the
cottage and prepared the food; the youth departed after the first meal, the
greedy bugger.
    ‘The
young man was constantly employed out of doors, and the girl in various
laborious occupations within. The old man I soon perceived to be blind as he
kept walking into walls.
    ‘A
considerable period elapsed before I discovered one of the causes of the
uneasiness of this amiable family — it was poverty. I discovered that because
at dinner time they had no food on their plates. The two children suffered the
pangs of hunger, for several times they placed food before the old man. They
reserved none for themselves. He ate the lot, the greedy bugger.
    ‘This
trait of kindness moved me sensibly. I had been accustomed, during the night,
to steal a part of their store for my own consumption [The shit! Ed.].
    ‘I
learned the names of the cottagers themselves. The girl was called ‘Agatha’,
the youth ‘Felix’ and the man ‘Father’. I cannot describe the delight I felt
when I learned the ideas appropriated to each of these sounds, so I won’t. I
distinguished several other words without being able yet to understand, though
I repeated them; such as ‘fire’, ‘milk’, ‘bread’, ‘wood’, ‘shit’.
    ‘Felix
carried with pleasure to his sister the first little white flower that peeped
out from beneath the snowy ground — she ate it.

CHAPTER
V
     
     
     
    ‘I
shall relate events that impressed me with feelings which, from what I had
been, have made me what I am. [Frankenstein made him what he am. Ed.]
    ‘Spring
advanced rapidly; the weather became fine but I did not. It was a surprise to
me that what before was a desert was now a Kentucky Fried Chicken. I was
refreshed by a thousand scenes of delight with a little crushed garlic. One
night, mad with hunger, I killed all the staff and ate all the chickens.
Colonel Sanders came along so I killed him as well.
    ‘The
old man played on his guitar. There was a tap °n the door. Why any one would
want to put a tap on a front door is hard to explain.
    ‘It
was a lady on horseback, accompanied by a countryman as a guide. The lady was
dressed in a black suit, and covered with a thick black veil. Agatha asked a
Question, ‘Are you a nigger?’ The stranger only repeated the name of Felix. She
held out her hand to Felix who kissed it and then spat on the floor. I could
distinguish she was an Arabian so she was, in fact, a wog.
    ‘She
took the old man’s guitar and sang delightful medleys:
     
    ‘All nice girls like a sailor
    All nice girls like a guitar
    For there is something about a
sailor
    For you know what sailors are.’
     
    ‘The
wog’s name was Safie but her entrance into my story and continuance is not
important. Let me go to the day that all the children and Safie were out and
the blind father was in the cottage.

CHAPTER
VI
     
     
     
    ‘I
knocked on the cottage door.
    ‘
“Who’s there?” said the old man.
    ‘
“Some one else,” I said.
    ‘I
entered. “Pardon this intrusion,” said I; “I am a traveller in want of a
cigarette.”
    ‘
“Enter,” said De Lacey, “You will find some on the mantelpiece. Unfortunately,
my children are away from home and, as I am blind, I am afraid I shall find it
difficult to procure food for you.”
    ‘
“Do not trouble yourself. I only need that and fire, milk, bread, wood and
shit. Your children are kind — they are the most excellent creatures in the
world; but unfortunately, they are prejudiced against me.”
    ‘
“That is indeed unfortunate; but if you are blameless, can you not do something
about it?”
    1
“I am ugly.”
    ‘
“Can’t you have plastic surgery? Barbara Cartland is going to have it.”
    ‘At
that instant the cottage door opened and Felix, Safie and Agatha entered.
“Quickly,” he said, “I need fire, milk, bread, wood and shit!” Who can describe
their horror and consternation on beholding me? Agatha fainted and Safie,
unable to attend to her friend, rushed out of the cottage. Felix darted forward
and with supernatural force tore me from his father, to whose knees I clung. In
a transport of fury, he