From the Heart

“Though I had to visit a few bars to find him. He had the night off.”
    “You seem to have put the time to good use.” He’d been drinking, she noted, if not heavily, enough to show. She had to keep calm. Her hands were beginning to shake, and she curled her fingers around the edge of the dresser behind her.
    Jordan glanced around the small hotel room. “You didn’t choose the Hyatt, I see.”
    “No.” There were going to be angry words, hard words. Kasey rose and reached for a cigarette. “Isn’t that ridiculous? Hotels are always leaving matches everywhere, and I can’t find one.” She caught her breath when he gripped her arms and spun her around.
    “Why did you leave?”
    “I had to leave sometime, Jordan.” Her voice tightened with pain as his fingers dug into her skin. “We both know the research was finished.”
    “Research?” If he didn’t keep his fingers tight, he was afraid he’d strike her. She’d hurt him more than he had known he could be hurt. She had opened him up for the pain. He gave her a savage shake. “Is that all there is between us?”
    She was beginning to tremble all over, but he didn’t seem to notice. She had never seen him like this—brutal, furious. She wished he would hit her if that would bring a quick end to it.
    “Damn you.” He shook her again, nearly lifting her off her feet. “Couldn’t you at least have faced me with it? Did you have to leave behind my back, without a word?”
    Kasey gripped the dresser edge again. The sickness was rising back to her throat. “It’s better this way, Jordan. I—”
    “Better?” The word exploded from him. Kasey jumped. “For whom? If you didn’t have the decency to think of me, what about Alison?”
    That was almost too much to bear. Kasey closed her eyes a moment. “I thought of Alison, Jordan. You must believe I thought of Alison.”
    “How can I believe anything you say? She was devastated. Look at me.” He took her hair and pulled her head back. “Ispent an hour holding her while she cried trying to make her understand what I couldn’t.”
    “I did what I had to do.” Her head was beginning to spin. She had to make him leave, and quickly. “Jordan, you’ve had too much to drink.” Her voice was amazingly calm now. “And you’re hurting me. I want you to go.”
    “You said you loved me.”
    Kasey swallowed and straightened. “I changed my mind.” She watched the color drain from his face.
    “Changed your mind?” The words came slowly, with no understanding.
    “That’s right. Now go and leave me alone. I’ve a plane to catch in the morning.”
    “Bitch.” He whispered the word as he dragged her against him. “I’ll go when I’m finished. We still have a date.”
    “No.” She struggled against him in quick panic. “No, Jordan.”
    “We’ll finish what you started,” he told her. “Here. Now.”
    And his mouth was on hers, cutting off her protest. Kasey pushed against him, wild with fear. Would even this be taken from her—the memories of the joy of loving him, being loved by him. He was dragging her toward the bed, and she fought, but he was strong and senseless with rage. What are we doing to each other? Her mind dimmed as he ripped the shirt from her shoulders. His hands were everywhere, pulling, tearing her clothes as she struggled against him.
    The memory of Beatrice’s calm, cool face floated behind her eyes. I won’t let you do this to us.
    Kasey stopped struggling. Under Jordan’s mouth, hers softened and surrendered. I can give you this, she told him silently and felt her panic subside. One last night. She hasn’t taken it from us, after all. She stopped thinking and let herself love.

14
    K asey awoke to full, blinding light. She moaned in automatic protest and rolled over. Her hand touched the emptiness beside her. She opened her eyes. He was gone. She struggled to sit up, scanning the room quickly for some sign of Jordan. When she laid her hand on the pillow beside hers, she found it cool.
    When had he gone? She remembered only that they had loved each other again and again in the night, in desperation and in silence. She thought he had slept, was certain they had had a few hours of total peace together. She needed to know they had.
    No one could take those last hours from her. If there hadn’t been tenderness, there had been need. He won’t hurt anymore. Her last hope was that the night would have purged the pain from him, if not his anger. She doubted Jordan