G Is for Gumshoe

take notes. "Very nice. What else?"
    "Except for one thing."
    "Ah."
    "I'm being honest about this," she replied righteously. "If he was totally perfect, I'd keep him for myself."
    "What's the catch?"
    "Don't rush me. I'll get to that. Just let me tell you his good points first."
    I glanced at my watch. "You have thirty seconds."
    "He's smart. He's funny. He's caring. He's competent…"
    "What's he do for a living?"
    "He's a doctor… a family practitioner, but he's not a workaholic. He's really available emotionally. Honest. He's a sweet guy, but he doesn't take any guff."
    "Keep talking."
    "He's thirty-nine, never married, but definitely interested in commitment. He's physically fit, doesn't smoke or do drugs, but he's not obnoxious about it, you know what I mean? He isn't holier-than-thou."
    "Unh-hunh, unh-hunh," I said in a monotone. I made a rolling motion with my hand, meaning get to the point.
    "He's good-looking too. I'm serious. Like an eight and a half on a scale of one to ten. He skis, plays tennis, lifts weights…"
    "He can't get it up," I said.
    "He's terrific in bed!"
    I started laughing. "What's the deal, Vera? Is he a mouth breather? Does he tell jokes? You know I hate guys who tell jokes."
    She shook her head. "He's short."
    "How short?"
    "Maybe five four and I'm five nine."
    I stared at her with disbelief. "So what? You've dated half a dozen guys who were shorter than you."
    "Yeah, well secretly, it always bothered me."
    I stared at her some more. "You're going to reject this guy because of that?"
    Her tone became defiant. "Listen, he's terrific. He's just not right for me. I'm not making a judgment about him. This is just a quirk of mine."
    "What's his name?"
    "Neil Hess."
    I reached down and pulled a scrap of paper from her wastebasket. I took a pen from her desk. "Give me his number."
    She blinked at me. "You'll really call him?"
    "Hey, I'm only five six. What's a couple of inches between friends?"
    She gave me his number and I dutifully made a note, which I tucked in my handbag. "I'll be out of town for a day, but I'll call him when I get back "
    "Well, great."
    I got up to leave her office and paused at the door. "If I marry this guy, you have to be the flower girl."

3
    I bypassed my run the next morning, anxious to hit the road. I left Santa Teresa at 6:00 a.m., my car loaded with a duffel, my portable Smith-Corona, the information about Irene Gersh's mother, my briefcase, miscellaneous junk, and a cooler in which I'd tucked a six-pack of Diet Pepsi, a tuna sandwich, a couple of tangerines, and a Ziploc bag of Henry's chocolate chip cookies.
    I took Highway 101 south, following the coastline past Ventura, where the road begins to cut inland. My little VW whined and strained, climbing the Camarillo grade until it reached the crest, coasting down into Thousand Oaks. By the time I reached the San Fernando Valley, it was nearly seven and rush-hour traffic had crammed the road solidly from side to side. Vehicles were changing lanes with a speed and grace that I think of as street surfing, complete with occasional wipeouts. Smog veiled the basin, blocking out the surrounding mountains so completely that unless you knew they were there, you might imagine the land to be flat as a plate.
    At North Hollywood, the 134 splits off, heading toward Pasadena, while the 101 cuts south toward downtown L.A. On a map of the area, the heart of Los Angeles looks like a small hole in the center of a loosely crocheted pink shawl that spreads across Los Angeles County, trailing into Orange County to the south. Converging freeways form a tangle, with high-rise buildings caught in the knot. I've never known anyone who actually had business in downtown Los Angeles. Unless you have a yen to see Union Station, Olvera Street, or skid row, the only reason to venture into the neighborhood around Sixth and Spring is to check out the wholesale gold mart for jewelry or the Cooper Building for name-brand clothing discounted to bargain-basement prices. For the most part, you're better off speeding right on by.
    You'll notice that I'm skipping right over the events of Thursday night. I will say that I did, indeed, stop by Rosie's for the drink she'd promised, only to discover that she and Henry had arranged a surprise birthday party for me. It was one of those mortifying moments where the lights come up and everybody jumps out from behind the furniture. I couldn't believe it was happening. Jonah was there, and Vera (the rat-who